would it make it better if i...

Would I make her feel better if I move on? I know I can, but I will still love her much, if only as a friend. A special friend.

I think I might be causing her to hold back, even though I promised her I wouldn't force her into any situation. Maybe I should move on, so she can. She says I'm hurting us both, maybe she's right. Time to pack up the bandwagon. It's been only a short short time since my realisation, but apparently everyone knew for the past 3 years, and didn't bother to tell me...

A conversation with Darien pointed out something I had noticed: many Christians tend to have a very heavy handed manner of testimonial. Sad to say, I have witnessed this all too many times. Yes, the love of Christ drives us, but we as the chosen must have tact and wisdom in dealing with others. As such, I have always been very afraid of testifying to others. I always believe that if we cannot draw people to God, then at least don't drive them away. How stupid to cause your own purpose to backfire. But I can't say that I have been a stellar example of a faithful follower of Christ.

Like the title of the post says, would it make it better if I learned to move on from my positions in life? Not just her, but everything else. I'm still shackled by guilt of so many things, it's hard to believe that I even did so much. Truly. And embarassment stays with me, a long time. It's not the big things, those I can brush off as really not knowing. The small things in life I can't handle. It's the tiny embarassment that kills my enthusiasm, kills my spirit. Small things like slips of the tongue, Freudian slips, blatant not knowing my facts, forgetting what a chai latte looks like, sigh. The list goes on and on. Time to move on. Or at least time to make a first step.

I can't stand to see her feeling so hurt. I have to avoid doing that anymore. With your consent, I will move on, for your sake and mine. This is the last you'll hear of the matter entirely. Be free to make your own choices. Don't be tied down by whatever. I'll love you still, but as a friend.

Last Goodbye, First Hello

This is my last goodbye
To a life left behind
To a way that always was
To a situation that never should have been

This is my first hello
To a life of renewed zest
To a way that has never been
To a situation that should always be