treatise on persons of a familiar type

There's much to be said for the word friend. When we were very young, anyone who knew your name, would talk to you, and roughly your age was a friend. In fact, on the first day of kindergarten, we have the capacity to make many friends. This fact remains true through much of schooling life. Except for the fact that we make friends more readily with people of other age groups. Then, college sneaks up on you, and the concept of friend warps with utmost largeness.

Now, my concept of friend is a person who will, willingly or unwillingly, break from their busy schedule to gossip or talk small talk. A person who will come up and say hi to you for no apparent reason, and smile, and make your day that much better just by seeing them. A person who will share stuff you can't finish with you, like that box of popcorn. A person who will take time off their busy schedule who will just sit there with you so you can cry your heart out. A person, who no matter what the issue, will be there for you when you need them. The childlike concept of friend has been tossed out the window. Those people are now called the rather obtuse and distant word: aquaintance.

When you get older, not everyone who knows your name and will talk with you is your friend. Some could be your enemies too. Also, time plays little draw to the selection of people that are selected to be friends. A person whom you may have known for months, seen everyday and talked to for hours and hours on end may still remain an aquaintance, albeit a very familiar one. Likewise, a person you have only met 5 minutes before may have made a deep mental connection and instantly become friend.

I must say, that I have not been a true friend to many people who regard me as one. More often than not, my behaviour has been downright disgusting when it has come to the people that care for me. I weep over this. For a long time, I mentally made it a point to treat my friends like the people they are, but more often than not I go off and insult them or hurt them, or piss them off or something or another. And this has been the case forever. I think it may be due to my larger than usual vocabulary, as well as my naturally acid sense of humor. I mean, how many people would use the word acid in lieu of sarcastic? And the word lieu for that matter?

This year, I made it another point to be there for my friends, hard as that may prove. A natural self-centered jerk I am, and there's no disputing that. However, I have always been very good at surpressing natural tendencies, like pain, sorrow, happiness, you get the idea. I have also a good control mechanism, although it's been out of use for a decade and a half. Hopefully it still works.

Back to the topic, I have been trying really hard lately to be a ready ear to any and all my friends' problems. I find lately, though, that I have been trying to hard. Apparently, my friends are not all that used to sharing stuff with me, no surprise as I have never been that good a listener when it came to friends. In fact, I find my sudden earnesty to be pushing them a bit further. A spark in interest in a normally apathetic person is usually a bad sign, as I understand. They are, more so now than ever, apt to avoid me, in the telling of matters, and on occasion physically as well, and I can't say that I blame them.

So what am I about to do about it? I suppose there's nothing much I can do. For a person so obsessed about taking over the world a little less than 3 months ago, I know become a very concerned pal? I don't think anyone in their right mind would believe that. I wouldn't. But then again, I'm not in my right mind. Only these past few months, I have made a rather sudden metamorphosis of sorts. I am not the person they knew me as. In fact, it rather stunned them to see a normally jovial-no-matter-what person become a sullen and depressed wreck. And at a particularly joyous social gathering, at least that's what it was supposed to be.

Most of the guests were a tad depressed if I have guessed correctly. It didn't help when me, the usually randomly bubbling, or rather, neutral, person became so negative-energy emitting. And my unusual behaviour marked a certain reaction from the general crowd. Of course, it's not all about me. The general aura was of that sort.

That aura has somewhat dissipated, but it must be pointed out that it flares here and there at random intervals. That effect also marked a new sense I have acquired, a sixth one if you must. I have become painfully sensitive, or accurately, perceptive to other people's thoughts and perceptions. Even more so than before. Coupled with my innate sense of curiousity, and I believe I have pissed as many people as I have helped.

We must not keep dwelling on the depressing. I went to Pyramid last night. We went to a particular noodle house new to the structure, and I'd like to point out that we met a particular W.C. Lim there. Apparently Mr Lim has been promoted to captain, from a lowly waiter. Congratulations of the highest order! And only after about a month or two of work. Muy excellente! The food was good too.

Tonight there will be a viewing of Hamlet in Bangsar, which I think I will be attending. This will be followed by a family dinner tomorrow night, and a hangout at Veevs'. Hopefully I can make it back early tonight so as to be available for a yum char later. My social life has improved (in depth) a whole lot more than what I used to accept as the norm. Ah, naivete. Thou name art moi.

Appreciation

How little attention paid
when what is wanted is got
when what is required had
when what is lost found
to a mention of thanks all around

How little due given
when what is done finished
when what is requested returned
when what is asked answered
to a bit of mention acknowledged

How little reply is said
when what is given received
when what is asked answered
when what is handed taken
to show a bit of appreciation