eternal debate...

I'm having a little conversation with the O.C. right now, and somehow, I don't quite recall, the issue drifted to food and sex. So my point is, that chocolates (good chocolates) are better than sex.

~Chocolates are portable.

~You can have chocolate alone, with another person, or a whole group without social implications.

~Chocolates are cheaper to acquire than sex.

~Right after having one chocolate, you can usually have another one immediately (most applicable to guys).

~It's easier to try many different types of chocolates.

This leads me to a sort of survey of sorts. Of course, this is only fun if you answer honestly.

1. How many chocolates have you had in the past 24 hours?

2. How many orgasms have you had in the past 24 hours?

3. How often do you think of chocolates?

4. How often do you think of sex?

5. Have you had more sex or more chocolate?

6. At what age did you start eating chocolates?

7. At what age did you start having sex?

8. For your birthday, do you usually receive chocolates or sex?

9. Do you spend more money on chocolate or on sex a month?

There you go. This should be interesting, if predictable.

To be honest, I can't give a real valid argument here, having only experienced chocolates (good ones, no less). But if anyone would be interested in 'educating' me in the other camp of thought, I'd be most welcoming. The true debater understands both sides of the issue after all, does he not? Lolz.

Meh.

sniff, sniff...

Shit, I really think I lost too much fat. At least, on the subcutaneous level. Like, was watching Zorro II today, and the whole time, my nipples were freezing. Shit. Normally, at least, before this, cinemas were like cool breeze to me. Recently, like being placed in a freezer, naked. Getting too skinny liaoz, which is kinda bad, considering I can still pinch a whole handful of fat from my gut. Ergh.

Was reading Men's Health, on the cover was this guy with this totally sculpted bod. Shit. I want oso weh. The proportions are exactly to what I want, not too big, not too small, not too offcenter either. But I'm too lazy, of course. Then again, I can't get that exactly, what with a seven-inch scar snaking down my right side. So ugly. Hmm, maybe I should get a tattoo over it. That way, not so obvious.

Wore the wooden beads out today. Felt quite tribal all throughout. Nice. Gonna get me more accessories later.

Going broke. Again. This is exactly why I should never extract more than 100 at a time from the ATM. It's this strange compulsion to instantly blow everything down to the last 50 within the first 48 hours of extraction. Also, note to self: try not to pay for movie tickets next time.

Need to work out to get that sculpted bod. And find a way to remove orange peel skin. Gross...

Too detailed. Meh.

Note to self: Creative DOES suck with mp3 players after all. This is not the first time my Zen has gone all screwey on me. The first one, it gone all distorted at certain cable angles after three months. Now, with the replacement, it's going all screwey again. That does it! I'm gonna get me a laptop. There.

One step at a time. That's if, you're new at it, or an old doddering coot. Me, I like to dash headlong into trouble with twin sabers flashing. Started the dash. Now, where did I put my knives...

Meh.

lone ranger...

Yesterday was interesting. I suppose.

Just so happens that I decided that I was too fed up with trying to arrange a nice time to go out with someone. ANYONE. It's always inconvenient or something. So I decided to go out myself. And so I did.

First things first, went and bought ONE ticket to watch Corpse Bride. The last time I bought a single ticket was at 1 Utama, when I came one week early for a job that didn't last very long past that next week after anyway. I digress.

Corpse Bride was kinda short, but I suppose the story was fittingly amusing for someone watching a movie alone. I reckon that it's too much to ask for a 2 hour long stop-motion movie.

Before the movie, I went to BodyGlove, picked out three plain shirts. Why BodyGlove? As far as I've experienced, they tend to stay newer, longer. 50 for three Ts ain't too bad. At least, when I'm shopping.

Went to Parkson, got me a pair of jeans. A size 34 pair of black jeans from Diesel. Not too bad for a guy who wore TIGHT size 40s a year ago. Quite satisfied I was, then went to Hytex or someother to look at their sporting goods. Wanted to get a pair of BLACK training gloves, but those things, the leather ones, cost a bomb. So I got a black shoe bag instead. Finally, can bring my dance shoes around sorta less embarassingly.

Dropped by the archery range. Got me a quiver, blew it all in less than 10 minutes. At least my game is getting more consistent now. I can actually place an aim, and it will hit. Maybe I should take it up seriously. I heard if done properly it can build serious pecs. Those Olympic archers don't look like that cuz they use cheese-ass compound bows. Now, look at the recurve archers. THOSE are good.

Dropped by a few trinket shops. Got my wooden bead chains. Or bracelets. Or whatever. Finally. I like wooden stuff. Natural, and combustible. Mwahahaha.

Coffee was next on the list. As always, a Blackforest at the good old Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. Sat there till my mom came, then predictably, went home.

All throughout the trip, I had the weird feeling of being watched by everyone. I suppose it's because guys don't usually go out alone to SHOP, and actually buy anything, and walk around as if he's in his element. Ah. Confirmed metrosexual, lolz.

I suppose something weird was at the archery range, these two Indian chicks were making eyes with me. Not used to the idea that I can actually be attractive to anyone. Of course, not too unusual for a feller who was more or less "just there" for a good God-knows-how-many years. Ignored, secretly hated, taken advantage of, and the whole time, blisfully unaware of it. How, trite.

Open your eyes, boy. You know better. Of course, knowing you, you don't really care about knowing better. You both like to be abused, and then get your own spite back. It's taking punishment so you can dish it out later, eh? Is that the whole idea? You are some bloody twisted asshole, you know that?

Yeah. I know it. And that's the whole point. Everyone lives to be amused, even if they don't admit it. People who aren't go insane, or they die. And I'm both. Insane, and dead. So the only thing left is to amuse myself. Everything, or nothing. And the best way to do that is alone, where at least I won't drag people I might potentially have cared for more down with me. Alone is the best way to go.

Meh.

bored outta my skull...

I can't believe this. I'm sitting in the stupid ICT department waiting for a stupid document to print. This is the last time I'm ever agreeing to do this. Ever. Why the fuck does it take half an hour to print a fucked up colour page? Is the facilities so retarded that it's always this slow?

I just realised, Taylor's is a dump. A large dump. The corridoors sometime smells of piss. Like, what the fuck? And sometimes, the ceilings leak, and all the machinery make noises. Rattle rattle rattle, I thought the age of silent airconditioning has come. They may be one of the highest ranking colleges this side of Timbuktu, but damned may everyone be if they have the latest tech.

How retarded is it when a building with over 500 computers does not even have a single fucking CD burner?

When the lights go out, I hope I'm here to see it.

Speaking of lights, Ms Wong just told us something that happened in Period 3. It seems that Mr Joy was supposed to give out a survey, so she left the class and told them to wait. So what they did was turn off the lights and sit perfectly quiet in the darkness. Now, the door opens out into an unlit corridoor, so it was pitch black. Like, total darkness. He opened the door, didn't see anyone (obviously), ran back to the staff room to tell Ms Wong that her class had disappeared. God, that was hilarious.

Hmm, somehow, when your retell a joke, it's not as funny anymore.

What do you do when you're sitting like an idiot waiting for some idiot machine to finish it's work? It's not like it's a fucking plotter machine, dammit.

Ah. Thursday. Lovely Thursday. The beginning of the end. I have no idea where to start with my assignments now. Nor do they really matter. Of course, I still have to finish them, but that's secondary. Lab reports are cute, and they will be done sometime soon. Speaking of which.

Fuck. I didn't hand in my alcohol labs.

Panic.

Then again.

Ergh.

I'm not thinking straight. Libidoically speaking, mine has gone out whack. It's strange to have a randomly acting sex drive. Maybe it's time to abandon all attempts at any eroticised fiction. For now.

Meh.

another wendy war...

Tis quite amusing. Imagine, one Singaporean blogger can cause a whole societal uproar. Oh, what wouldn't I have given to get to that level of subversive power a few months ago. Now, it's more like I don't have the patience to deal with it.

But back to the topic, it's quite amusing what one person's experience with a toilet can do. Now, a whole flame war is going on through the blogosphere, with most of the famous bloggers going against XiaXue's view on disabled people's toilets. Personally, I have to agree with her logic. Of course, that would be a different case if it was disabled parking, cuz they have no choice but to park at a disabled parking space. But toilets. Hmm.

Okay, enough about that. I had something to say. But I don't recall.

Oh yeah.

I was looking in the mirror the other day. It did not shatter. Which, according to my observations, it should have done. Ergh.

*choo choo*

*crash*

Train of thought broken. Damn.

I tend to be doing plenty of randomly stupid things recently. Why? Mostly, it's cuz I want to see if I can do it. Otherwise, it's because I'm bored. Like, two Panadols at random will give you a headache if you don't have one already. And sunburn only hurts me two days after.

I'm thinking of highlighting my hair in streaks of crimson. Just wondering if it will look stupid. Maybe, just maybe, do it in a sable instead.

Sable: read, white/silver/platinum/really cool tone of colourlessness.

Looking at the future, I decidedly don't want to do anything conventional. The sheer though of having to work to please someone who can order me around is kinda offputting. Which is also why I won't get married.

I am gonna be a writer. And discover a virus that will make people unable to orgasm unless they read a novel by my hand. And each novel will work only once. That way, I can rule the world doing what I like. Mwahaha.

As my dictatorial/tyranical/regal title, I shall name myself High Custodian of Feral Delights. Only because that's all I can think of right now.

Ergh. One of the symptoms of Internet withdrawal is poor writing quality.

Meh.

ow...

It's not everyday you get to poke yourself in the eye while trying to readjust your seat. Like, ouch. I almost laughed when I poked myself, cuz it's kinda absurd. You'd think that a guy who relies on contacts to protect his fragile self image from being tainted by dorky glasses to know better than to poke himself in the eye. But apparently, I don't.

This is gonna be quick.


Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1. Take over the world. You know this one.
2. Design my own car. I don't really like consumer goods.
3. Burn money in front of bankrupts just to see their twitching agonies.
4. Have sex in a public park. Wait. That's not right.
5. Learn to cook like those dudes who can peel an apple, leaving the peel in one piece.
6. Have my own private army of demented bureaucrats!
7. Be buff enough to bake naked.

Seven things I could do:
1. Destroy your puny mind.
2. Bake brownies.
3. Be extremely condescending.
4. Clean my room.
5. Finally pick up those weights. Really, it's better just carrying all your textbooks around.
6. Be sexy. Notice, I COULD.
7. Be humble. Haha. That's a really good one.

Seven often repeated words (OR sentences):
1. Meh.
2. Fuck.
3. Meh.
4. Shit.
5. Meh.
6. Ooo.
7. Meh.

Seven traits I look for in the opposite sex:
1. I
2. think
3. I'll
4. pass
5. on
6. this.
7. Sigh.

Seven celebrity crushes:
1. I like to think celebrities have crushes on me! Mwahahaha.

Seven dirty little secrets/confessions:
1. I'm very much not what you think I am.
2. I know a lot more than I let on.
3. I don't always say everything I know.
4. 80% of the things I say I are made up.
5. You never really know when I'm lying, or when I'm not.
6. I think I turn myself on sometimes.
7. While I think highly of myself, I also think I suck big time.

Seven people to tag:
1. Anyone who knows the difference between Po-tay-to and Po-tah-to.
2. An airconditioner salesman.
3. If you're wearing black undies.
4. If you happen to be listening to a song by Savage Garden right now.
5. If you have a crush on me.
6. If you think I have a crush on you.
7. If you think all my answers were junk.

Internet's down at home.

Meh.

tired of waiting...

Okay, fine. Nobody wants to write poems. And yes, it was hard. That was the point. By consequence, no one did anything. Except the O.C. Since I'm too lazy to think up anything else, and since what I had in mind was going to be progressively harder, O.C. wins by default. So he gets the one Coffee/Vanilla/whichever which he can claim during the one week holiday, next week.

A note: Evon just called me a genius for inventing a word that is neither offensive like fuck, but has more shock value in its annoying nonchalant dismissal of anything and everything anyone just said. Meh.

Speaking of competitions, I just got the official invitation to the annoucing of the winner of MPH's search for the Young Malaysian Writer. Quite random. They won't announce the winner till the day itself. Maybe this is just so everyone will turn up, lolz. Extremely likely to see Suet Li there, hope she won't have to pace up and down in front of me just to see if it IS me. Lolz.

Not too sure if I can win. From experience, the best don't usually win, lolz. The most popular/conformist wins, and in writing, non conformity usually shows a level of thinking beyond that of most people. Wah, syok sendiriness. Naturally.

Just got back from the National Teachers of Dance Dinner and Dance Graduation Award Ceremony. What a mouthful. Anyways, was there for dinner, and dance, and a short performance that took a few weeks of practice, all for less than a minute of stage time. But all in all, despite my morbidly stupid appearance, I suppose it was a good trip out. If anything, I learnt a new dance, and how these things work. Maybe a few bucks too, since I'm getting a nice cut of Asyraf's commission for this job, which I helped him get. Wakakaka. Got a few hot chicks there too. Note, while he does get the credit for the photos, I'm not putting his watermark here, mostly cuz I'm too lazy to ask him for it, and also because it was my stuff he was using. Slowly see la...

Graduation this is, of course. Here's Jo and Janice:


There's lots of social dancing...






For Oliver, here's Janice looking more like Marion than in the other pic. Hot bod, I'd say. And really sweet personality too.

Our instructor, Jo, dances too. And as far as I've seen, with the same guy...


Wait, Arthur's here too...

And some Ah Peks. Don't look down on them, these old fuds are Gold Cross or Gold Bar holders weh...


Then there's always some poseurs, like take Stanley and this chick for example.


And then there's the performances...

The waltz from DanceWorld...
And an Ah Pek from one of the other schools doing Gold Cross level Cha Cha. Fuck, he has the moves weh.

Then it's Cha Cha from DanceWorld...

Line dancing...

With partners...

Polished with a rather erotic Gold Cross finish.

In conclusion, it's all about the company,

the dancing,

and the girls.


Tis been a good day.

Meh.

losing control...

Ah. Tis been a wonderful week indeed. I have accomplished so much, closed so many books, opened so many doors, walked so many miles. And why does it feel aimless?

I've basically lost control of my life. People are beginning to tell me what to do. The stupid part is that I'm beginning to listen to what they say. I'm falling apart so quickly, that I actually, for once, am taking orders. It feels so artificial, and yet I'm doing it. You have no idea how much I hate myself for that. Or for the other things I've done lately.

What is an accomplishment really? Is it the doing of something difficult, to completion, that it's worth mentioning? In which case, I suppose I have accomplished something big. One of the hardest things I'm doing ever, and still am doing. Or is accomplishment doing something significantly earthshattering enough to make a POSITIVE difference somewhere? In which case, I've never accomplished anything.

I've noticed while in dance class, at least two families are actively participant as a whole unit. Which almost makes me envious. I've never really been close to anyone in my family, or they close to me, not that it's anyone's fault. It just seems that no one is ever interested in anything I do. At all. I try to be interested, but more often than not, I just fuck things up so badly, it's better that I didn't bother.

I do, and I did, try to get them interested. But as always, practically everything I truly enjoy are dismissed as marvelously efficient wastages of time. Or pointless. Or could get me killed. Sometimes, I do wonder, should I stop caring? And most of the time, I manage to dismiss it. But everytime I see a family so close, it's hard. Not to say that mine is bad. No, I suppose it's just that we're not meant to be like that. It's gonna be reflective of how my parents' families are, I suppose. Nobody on either side seem particularly close, and while everything appears civil, I can see they're mostly nonchalant about each other. And so it will be in this case.

In the end, I can see myself alone in the world, and I wouldn't care about anything or anyone. I'll be busy building and destroying futures, not so much for any particular purpose, but because I am amused by it. It's shallow, but it's probably the only reason people live. Would we do anything if we're not somehow amused by it? Do not deny the fact. Even if we dispute it logically, carnally, we are amused. And that's truly all the drive we need.

I wonder at all these religious people. For all their talk of selflessness, how much of it is true? In the end, it's all to get some reward, no? In which case, that would make it selfish, because it's unlikely you'd do it if there wasn't some great prize at the end worth getting. Again, self amusement. If you could so see what I mean. Ah, why help those pathetic mewlings to heaven, if you couldn't get in yourself? Do you really love God that much? I think you love yourself more, despite what you say. And hypocrites have the worst punishment of all.

The sins of the father are visited upon the son. The question is, is there enough of the old me to demolish that idea, or have I been shattered so irrepairably that I can't?

Tis been the best week. Indeed.

Meh.

fine fine...

Due to 'overwhelming' requests for an extension, the second leg of the seemingly failed competition of mine has been extended, till I have gotten at least 5 entries. This will be made a 'sticky' in the cheesy manner that Liz uses, but is somehow affective. Again, the criteria is to write a poem, using the below words:

Potato

Sandwich

Orgasm

Sociopath

Undulating

Cleavage

Naked

Shoebox

The poem does not need to follow any format, but must either be witty, funny, amusing, or appealing to the eyes. Anything that is an affront to my sense of humor shall be dispatched with utmost acidic sarcasm. This is worth 4 points for the top 2, 2 for all other entries. You have until I lose my patience again. Or until I forget.

Meh.

questions...

Why is it I can't feel any emotion as strong as I do hate and anger?

Why is it that I never really know what I want?

Why is it that almost every decision I make is so logical, and yet lacks emotional depth?

Why do I keep doing what I do?

Why does it matter to me?

Why is it that I'm even allowed to continue being like this?

Why do I go and fuck everything up, because of something so easily explained?

Why do I feel like a half boiled egg?

Why does this keep coming back?

Why do I do so much by doing so little, and do so little by doing so much?

Why do I feel the way I feel?

Why are my questions repetitive?

Why are all my answers unsatisfactory?

Why do I look like a lemon in yellow?

Why am I just not gay?

Why does it have to be like this?

Why are potatoes brown?

Why do I keep this pathetic excuse for a life up?

Why do I even bother?

I don't know.

Meh.

it's all about me...

Once in awhile, we must allow the Narcissus in us to emerge, not so much because we must, but because it's amusing to do it. And as we all know, amusement is more important than survival.

A quick aside, the story of Narcissus goes something like this: This leng zhai called Narcissus was a bloody showoff, and all the village girls (and guys) were falling in love with him. He was so the pretty boi that the people said he rivalled even Aphrodite's beauty, who was the Goddess of Love and Sexual Debauchery or something like that. So, she was kau pissed at him, and decided to chiun kau him. So one day, he was walking along this road, and he saw his own reflection. So Aphrodite made him fall in love with himself. Besides, he was so leng zhai, and he was somehow too poor to afford mirrors that he tak kenal sendiri, so he thought there was some beautiful water nymph in there. So he stayed there night and day flirting and getting hot and horny with his own reflection. He didn't leave, cuz he was to syok sendiri with his own face. So, sure enough, he died. Of course la, don't eat, and see your own face all the time, don't die kau fake la. The gods pitied this stupid, but leng zhai idiot, which is kinda characteristic of stupid pretty bois, and turned his gorgeous corpse into a flower.

Meh. So long for an aside. Like I was saying, this post is about me. I got my hair cut. Wait. Did I mention that already? I did? Oh well. Like I said, I cut my hair. First in such a long time. It's really thin now, so it flows easily, and bends and shapes nicely. The problem is, TOO nicely. If I do that ditzy-wave-hair-in-wind-in-an-ostentatious-flirty-manner thing, it gets in my eyes. Ouch. But I must say, the frizz is gone, and I look SOOO much better. But actually, since no one can tell the difference because the length is still the same, doesn't matter. But I can use less shampoo now.

Hmm, should I be worried? I think I turn myself on. It's so weird. Either that, or I'm finally appreciating my less-than-perfect-and-nowhere-near-good-enough looks. Yeah. I notice it only occurs when I'm wearing new clothes, usually loose midlength pants, and tight, tight, tight, dark colored shirts, especially sleeveless ones. Incidentally, I find myself shopping for clothes a lot this past few weeks. And wandering a lot near the underwear section, especially the newer releases where they have sheer (read: transparent) materials, or really tight, minimal material kinds. Could it be? That I find myself (all together now: GASP!) sexy?!? Is it even possible? No. It's probably cuz I just need new clothes. And I'm probably up for trying something different, just for fucks.

Dance performance on Friday at OUG Cub. Getting quite good at the retarded routine, which isn't as retarded as I make it sound, but more like too long and repetitive for the first part, and too short and not enough repeats for the second. Why can't the world be less complicated and bow down to my every whim? Hmm, I'd have to decide on what to whim for first, eh? At any rate, it's giving me nicer dancer legs (and dancers have the sexiest legs, wakakaka!) and it's a good workout. Too bad I had to pay 90 bucks to get in. I'm broke broke broke. At least an 8 course Chinese dinner is thrown in as part of the deal. It better be good. Now, question is, which camera to bring?

I realise, that I do look good from the front. But I look fat from the side. Erk. On the other hand, I could turn all that extra material into solid muscle. In that way, it's easier than having to put on the pounds first then convert it. Nice. Now to find some willpower to go with that statement, and we might find ourselves the stud baking brownies in the buff. Might.

Seems that there are interesting things in 4U after all. Take for instance Green Eggs and Hamlet:

I ask to be, or not to be.
That is the question, I ask of me.
This sullied life, it makes me shudder.
My uncle's boffing dear, sweet mother.
Would I, could I, take my life?
Could I, should I, end this strife?
Should I jump out of a plane?
Or throw myself before a train?
Should I from a cliff just leap?
Could I put myself to sleep?
Shoot myself, or take some poison?
Maybe try self immolation?
To shudder of this mortal coil,
I could stab myself with a fencing foil.
Slash my wrists while in the bath?
Would it end my angst and wrath?
To sleep, to dream, now there's the rub.
I could drop a toaster in my tub.
Would all be glad, if I were dead?
Could I perhaps kill them instead?
This line of thought takes consideration-
For I'm the king of procrastination.

I do realise that Darien mentioned he likes my intellectual writing. I think he's high on something. Intellectual. I can write like any ah beng any day I like, okay?

Wait.

I can't.

Meh.

iPod...

Fare thee well, electronic device that I never had, never wanted, never needed. Wakakka. Well. Okay. I did want it. But nevermind that. The results for the voted part of the stupid competition are up:

982 The Window
706 Underneath It All
461 The Soldier
389 Women In Boots
344 Survival
298 The dying sun
242 When Will You Understand
147 A Few Good Men
74 On the Sunny Side of the Street
44 Lotus
43 Beneath the Honeyhive
39 The Race
27 Whose War
25 Noah Ark
22 Dying in the name of immortality
18 The Silver Revolution Year 2030
10 The Hollow Cost
6 A Member of the Old Bridage
6 Goodbye Earth
5 Alpa n Beta
5 A teen in the war of 1942
5 Progress
3 Oxygen or Gold
3 1942 A Teenager Trying to Survive the War
3 Comparison of Time
2 The Truth About Lie
1 Defence of the solomons
1 Conceding Life
1 Vilagnyelv
1 The old school of peculiar
1 My country my nightmare

Damn obscene weh. How can ONE person get almost a thousand votes? Even if voted everyday, that's about only, what, 30 votes? Does she have that many friends? If she does, then she doesn't need an iPod. Can't be THAT good. And look at mine. So far down the list. What the fuck. I'm so unpopular issit? Meh.

Now, I'm just gonna have to take the first place prize. I'm so confident I'll win it, that it will be an enourmously crushing blow if I don't. But then again, who knows? I kinda like being depressed. Only it's complicated when I get too despondent. Meh. Irrelevant.

What the fuck, she created 40 accounts for herself issit? Ah. No point being jealous for winning something that I don't need. The new thing is the iPod Nano, which has some serious flaws, I heard. Plus, the only real problem with the Zen is that it's not as flashy as the iPod, which isn't necessarily bad.

Hmm, I finally cut my hair after 6 months. It's still blardy long, but so much lighter. Feel so light headed. Oh well.

Meh.

just a poem...

Sometimes, this strikes so hard...

Have

Have you seen me angry?
Have you seen me sad?
Have you seen me inbetween?
Have you seen me glad?

Have you asked me why?
Have you asked me what?
Have you asked me at all?
Have you asked me not?

Have I told you anything?
Have I told you why?
Have I told you about myself?
Have I told you how I cry?

Have they ever bothered?
Have they ever cared?
Have they ever given a damn?
Have they ever shared?

Have I been gifted?
Have I been showed?
Have I always been despised?
Have I ever been loved?

For the sake of:

Longest Survey I Can Make... Try It!!!
+Basics+
Age?:	18
Sex?:	male, i think
Starsign?:	err, aries, i think
D.O.B?:	hmm, interesting question. i think it's 6 april
Decade Born?:	90s
Immediate Family?:	5 more of em
Looks?:	better than last, not as good as it's gonna get
Personality?:	intriguing, at best
Habits?:	disgusting
Pets?:	had some. one died on my 12th birthday
Ambitions?:	take over the world. moo har har har...
Most Memorable Part Of Your Life?:	when i said yes to the most unforgettable, and unlikely, question...
+Favourites+
Colour?:	purple. black isn't a color. it's a shade.
Shape?:	err, circle
Age?:	17
Shop?:	it used to be comics corner. now it's i need house, lolz.
Book?:	dictionary
Film?:	no idea...
Career?:	male stripper. woo hoo!
Country?:	timbuktu
Family Member?:	not me
Boys Name?:	err, jin?
Girls Name?:	err, jinette? (oh man, this is sick...)
Cartoon?:	i don't like cartoons. i like animated shows...
Actor?:	me
Actress?:	julie andrews, audrey hepburn, angelina jolie...
Friend?:	i have so many...
Subject In School?:	sex ed, lolz...
Car?:	i still like the camry, tho the merc clk looks nice...
Political Group?:	the united party of jin
Word?:	meh
Number?:	3. that's the number of the finger you swear with
Quote?:	i have said many things worthy of quotes, and i'll continue to say more...
Phrase?:	meh meh meh...
Clothing Style?:	naked. if i could carry it off. right now it's anything in black...
Lipstick Colour?:	err, pale shade of red, almost flesh coloured, but not quite, like a slightly unripe chinese peach...
+This Or That+
Cat or Dog?:	dog
Mouse or Rat?:	mouse
Horse or Goat?:	horse
Gorilla or Chimp?:	chimp
Money or Love?:	love
Money or Sex?:	sex
Love or sex?:	money (wakaka!)
White, Brown or Black chocolate?:	as long as it's chocolate
Cheese or Ham?:	ham
Mushroom or Salami?:	salami
Stories or Poetry?:	i write both
Horror or Romance?:	romance
Black and white or colour?:	depends
Sane and boring or insane but fun?:	insane AND fun
Crisps for pringles?:	both
English or Maths?:	english
Breakfast or Lunch?:	i don't mind not eating
Strawberry or Vanila?:	vanilla
Cake or Biscuit?:	i can bake both
Model or Ballerina:	model. i hate ballet. for a reason.
Work or Play?:	play
Music or Art?:	music IS art
History or Geography?:	geography. or the history of the forgotten realms tm.
Dancing or Singing?:	dancing
Light or Dark?:	dark
Day or Nigjt?:	night
Night or Day?:	night
Moon or Sun?:	moon
Male or Female?:	i like my gender, thanks.
Young and fun or old and wise?:	i don't want to be old, ever.
Flirty or Prudent?:	flirty
Win money or a car?:	enough money to buy the car
+Last Time+
When was the last time you laughed?:	cold laughter? err, all the time.
When was the last time you cried?:	just now
When was the last time you ate / drank?:	just now
When was the last time you kissed?:	err, two weeks back i think. sob. can't recall...
When was the last time you got drunk?:	never gotten drunk
When was the last time you had a dream?:	last night. it was absurd. but i don't remember...
When was the last time you sung a song?:	you mean hum...
When was the last time you saw your parents?:	just now.
When was the last time you cried for happiness?:	i never cry for happiness
When was the last time you laughed in sadness/anger?:	often enough
+Emotions+
When did you last feel Anger?:	all the time
Who made you angry and why?:	don't ask. i hate being told what to do...
When did you last feel horny/sexual?:	this afternoon.
Who made you so and why?:	some writer. reading your name in erotica is always kinda kinky...
When was the last time you felt pleased?:	when i decidedly decided to make a decision...
Why?:	because i decided
When was the last time you felt helpless?:	helpless, hardly, hopeless, always
Why?:	because i'm fucked up...
+Sex,Sex,Sex+
Well, best question to ask first... have you had it?:	nope
How many people have you had it with?:	if i could count, the answer to the first would be different
If not, anyone you have in mind to have it with if you have still answer?:	err, well, erm, ergh...
What was their initials?:	err, too obvious...
Were they special to you, if so why?:	wahliaoz...
How many times have you kissed in the last month?:	err, i don't think i have...
OK if you can remember... or approx. In total?:	don't have means zero la...
How old were you when you had your first kiss?:	sigh, 18.
How old were you when you lost your virginity?:	my warranty still valid...
Do you masturabate?:	stupid question...
How often?:	often enough...
Has anyone ever masturabated you?:	no. though that WOULD be interesting...
Have you given oral? How was it?:	err, i would, but sucking yourself is kinda hard, not to mention gross...
Have you recieved oral? How was it?:	nope. no sexual experiences whatsoever...
What did they think of you given them oral?:	what sort of question is this?
How was your first time at sex. Sore, Excited, Wild, Reluctant...?:	err, never had sex weh...
Who do you wish you could have sex with?:	myself. just to see how i perform, lolz...
How many sexual partners have you had in your time?:	zero is not a natural number...
Are you straight, bi or gay?:	err, not sure...
Do you watch porn? If so why?:	hmm. what DOES constitute as porn?
What would you like to try out in a sexual nature?:	err, chocolate. lolz.
What would you refuse to try out in a sexual nature?:	anything significantly gross and painful...
Have you ever been sexually assaulted, raped, harassed? how old were you?:	harassed, as in groped, yes. weirdest thing ever...
+Love+
Do you believe your inlove now?:	yea
Have you been in love?:	twice, at least
If so to either 2 questions before what's his her name or initials?:	you two know who you are...
What do you love about them?:	i don't really know...
What drew you to them?:	first, i don't know, second, mutual attraction...
Do you think you'll always love them?:	i still love her...
Were you friends before you dated? / you loved them?:	err, for number one, yes, but for number two, we just jumped straight in
If your not in love then do you feel left out?:	err, i felt less complicated
One day someone will love you. Until then all my love to you, love feels gd:	is this a question?
+How Are Your Morals/Criminal Record/Concience+
Have you stolen from a shop, how old were you if you did?:	yea. i think. can't recall.
Abused someone? how old?:	err, i verbally abuse people without them knowing al the time...
Raped / sexual harmed someone? how old?:	i repeat: NO SEXUAL EXPERIENCES...
Swore at a policeman?:	i don't meet policemen...
Got arrested? How many times?:	just turned 18...
Took drugs?:	is panadol a drug?
Vandalised property?:	yea. my own.
Ruined someones life?:	sigh. unfortunately, yes...
Continued hurting someone when they had to power to fight back?:	yeap. that's what sparring's about...
Had sex with random men/woman 'for the sake of it'.:	fuck. i repeat again: ABSOLUTELY NO SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS OR EXPERIENCES. EVER.
What else do you want to say about your morals?:	i plan to take over the world. what do you think?
+Word Association+
Cream:	ooze
Love:	sick
Rain:	fire
Check:	list
Moan:	sex
Yellow:	submarine
Dream:	lucid
Mask:	face
Drunk:	never
Flirt:	girls
Craze:	girls
Dark:	me
Clever:	me
Massive:	me
Cold:	me
Scream:	not me
Cruel:	me
Strict:	parents
Asia:	food
Order:	waiter
Mice:	men
Con:	dom
Alien:	money
Rose:	evon
Metal:	coin
Odd:	ball
Manipulate:	people
Allow:	not
Origin:	geometry
+Have You Ever...?+
Smoked?:	nope
Got Drunk?:	nope
Stole A Car?:	nope
Stole Money?:	yeap
Scubadived?:	nope
Went Sailing?:	nope
Had Sex?:	nope
Cried yourself to sleep?:	often enough
Lip read?:	all the time
Been in a play?:	yeap
Been on the TV?:	yeap
Went to Australia?:	yeap
Saw a Camel?:	yeap
Rode a camel?:	yeap
Took magic mushrooms?:	i HATE mushrooms of any fucking kind...
Ate escargo?:	i'm no bottom feeder...
Went around in a car topless?:	well, no, but erm, nevermind...
Won money?:	yeap
Lost money?:	definitely
Caused a severe argument?:	all the time
Told a serious lie to a family member?:	i can't recall
Been told that you should die?:	often enough
Been told that *the person* can't live without you?:	i think so.
Been engaged?:	nope
Random... I guess!!!
What's the time?:	9.28
What perfume/ deodorant do you use?:	err, i think it's in some blue can...
When did you last bath?:	just now. need another one, though...
What colour is your eyes?:	black
Aren't my questions genius?:	i wish i could agree
If you were a writer, what genre would you prefer to write in?:	erotica
If you wrote an autobiography what would you call it?:	meh
If it was made into a movie, what rating would you give it, G, PG, 12 ETC:	18SX
Do you like garlic mushrooms?:	i HATE HATE HATE FUCKING HATE mushrooms.
Have you ever gone to Berlin Zoo?:	never been to berlin. has the zoo been to me?
What are you greatest fears?:	to drown, to go blind, to become boring.
Last Question: Who's the best?:	me.
Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Meh.

screwed up...

I think I'm getting screwed bad. Like, really bad. I screwed Chem, I screwed Geometry, and I think English is screwing me. Lovely.

Maybe it's the bad karma for what happened on Sunday? I don't know. I can't really say. But I do not that the week does NOT look good. And it's only Tuesday. Fuck.

On Thursday is the IELTS speaking test thingy, and on Friday there's extra dance practice. I'm thinking of stopping dance, too.

Fucked. That's what I am, at press time at least. Seems that EVERYTHING I'm good at has decided to bite me in the ass a shove a ten foot pike up it. EVERYTHING. No brains, no body, no feelings. All gone.

Oh, let's not forget social life too. Everything's screwed! I can't do anything I want, and when I say anything, I mean everything. I don't accept half measures. Meh.

Let's just hope I last the week. Of course, it's not that bleak, but fuck, I like to be pissed, I like to kill, and somehow, maybe, perhaps, I want to be frustrated. Of course, that's not likely.

I fucking hate this week. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

And no one is helping either. No reponses to the results yesterday? Fine. The thing's off. I'm pretty much fed up with everything as is anyways. And looks like I didn't win no fucking iPod mini either. Let's just hope the main competition fares better. I can't really sink any lower level wise as is.

Meh.

P.S. Hmm, voting's not done yet, eh? No matter. The iPod wasn't mine to begin with. Meh. No one interesting in writing a poem, I can tell. Forget it. Meh.

results...

Damn. I wan't anticipating so obviously difficult answers. So, I decided to get the most bang for my buck. This is just gonna be a series of competitions, about 6, at the end of which, the three with the most points gets to join me, okay?

From last week, the top four answers are from Nat, sonic, Darien, and The O.C. They each get 3 points. The rest earn one point.

Today's task, worth 4 points for the top 2, and 2 points for everyone else:

Write a poem, incorporating all this words:

Potato

Sandwich

Orgasm

Sociopath

Undulating

Cleavage

Naked

Shoebox

The poem must make sense, or is funny. Nonesense or blatantly disrespectfully retarded entries will lose 2 points. And yes, your score can go down to negative.

Edit: This is due on Sunday, 12.00 a.m.

Go.

Meh.

just a note...

Half a year is pretty long. And it has been a good time. Not many regrets, none I can particularly think of. Of course, I still recall some particularly embarassing times for myself, more of the pai seh and head-shotness types, and they're all in good spirit. Thanks.

For those of you who tak faham, all will be explained, maybe soon. For those of you who do, keep it to yourself. Thanks.

Meh.

i sat for the SAT on sat...

I sat for the SAT on a Saturday morning. Meaning, this morning. Those silly Americans, they make these papers so easy. Strangely, though, half the room was sweating away. Maybe it's something I didn't see? Whatever. Anyways, I'm just doing this for fun, just to see how good I am, and maybe win a scholarship to some Ivy League school? That would be so cool, to say I turned down an offer from Harvard. Lolz.

I'm back in shopping mode. It's time I gotten rid of all that junk I have in my closet. I have these really huge shirts, those I bought in November. How cute, I used to be so fat, walrus like (uhoh, Sister Furong!). Well, the last time I put something on from that time, it was so unbearably loose that it felt like I was wearing a bathrobe or something. And since I've acquired a penchant for tight-er fitting clothes, namely something slightly closer to the body, to outline my nice sillhoute-with-no-real-definition-but-you-can't-tell-anyways-since-I'm-wearing-clothes-oh-fuck-I'm-still-fat. Celaka, tetek besar tapi bukan pecs jadinya.

New clothes, new clothes. If I was better looking, with a ripped bod, I'd pass off as a metrosexual very easily. Or gay. Which doesn't really bother me, since I always found it fascinating how people treat gay people. At least, if I'm poorly treated, I can raise a huge ruckus on national media, start my own political party, and get international organizations to harass the government. The sheer entertainment of watching the result may be worth all that trouble. Think, Mr Bean meets Martin Luther King.

Nox. Great game. Old, but it's so smooth you wouldn't think it was a 2D game. Very sleek graphics, simple but effective combat and spell system, and replayable from three different viewpoints. I've been spending too much time on it, but that's mainly because I have to return the CD soon. Meh.

Four more minutes, and six months it will be. To see it go beyond, that one I cannot guess. Soon Enough I'll find out what the other party thinks, and we will broker some sort of agreement. I hope it isn't too costly, or the other party to frustrated with me. But I guess I can only find out the hard way. Pray for me.

Meh.

low self esteem?!?

According to Google Adsense, at least from what the ads say, I'm suffering from low self esteem. Fuck weh! If there's anyone more arrogant than me I challenge you to come out! I tell you ar, no one is more arrogant than me, okay? No one, and I mean, NO ONE, is more arrogant than me! Especially for someone so unqualified to boast! Bah! I'm arrogant, so deal with it!

Wah liaoz, don't know whether to be sad, or what. Everyone else has more readers than me. What the fuck weh! Maybe it's because I alienate them. Where got? I didn't make you all aliens what! Where got I go paint you people green and stick little radio antennae on your head? If you look like that, I definitely didn't do to you, okay? Go call your Astro guy to fix.

Bah. I suck at that style of writing. I just wasn't what I used to be, and it's extremely depressing.

In all seriousness, I think it's probably finally time to slip into obscurity. Mwahahaha. Maybe I should change this blog's URL, and not tell anyone! Haha.

Seriously, if no one cares, I should shut this one down. It's stopped channeling my true feelings a long time ago. I have other avenues for that. Worried about popularity? Maybe. But for the things I care about, if no one else does, I might as well not bother.

How does an artiste go on creating if no one stops to look? If I'm only going to be appreciated after I die, then I rather die now. I have many enough works, but no one cares. So I die, maybe the people I give my stuff to will become rich? Not likely. I'm not famous.

And, nobody cares.

I think I screwed Chem. I think the days, short as they were, of me being good at almost everything is coming to an end. They barely lasted a year. Of course, this is returning to the original state. I think some things that I hold on to dearly, and find quite unique to my situation are dying. It's getting too tiring to be myself, what with all the pressure to conform with the normal ideas of who I should be. I find myself giving in, and again more actively resisting it, all at once, more often and more ferociously than ever.

I wrote an essay over how I would rather die than give up my ideal idea on life. Well, it seems that I am giving the ideal up, aren't I? And as far as I know, that's the same as dying. Who says you can't have your cake and eat it? I'm eaten, and yet I'm still here.

Tell me, how many of you out there would miss me if I disappeared one day? Why would you? If I can guess the upcoming responses, I'd say few enough. Precious few, but I'm a person of extremes. I want everything, or nothing. I don't like SOMETHING. Give me liberty, AND give me death. Not either. Both. Got that?

In case you're wondering, yes, the contest is still going on. It will end on Monday, 3.00 pm, Malaysian time. The prize will have to be claimed before the 25th of December, and you will have to claim it in person. Of course, WHEN you can do that is subject to my whim and fancy, but of course, you still will get it.

Life is too short. And too long.

Meh.

survey survey...

This one, not exactly a survey, but more like a personal response thing.

There are rules for this one. Rephrase each of the following statements in the most creative way possible. The trick is not to make it a blatantly obvious statement, that people would immediately recognize for it's meaning. Like for example:

I'm still a virgin.
My warranty is still valid.

Understood? Only the brainiest will win. And the winner, which I will decide, may have a Coffee Bean drink on me. So there's something you might like to try for.

~I'm not wearing underwear.

~In my free time, I mostly masturbate.

~I'm a camwhore.

~That ****** is such a bitch.

~I like reading pornographically inclined pieces of writing.

~I'm still a virgin.

Ready, get set, go!

Out.

just for random mehness...

You'd probably noticed the Google ads at the side now. They're not really to make money, more like to see what Google thinks of my posts. You will notice that the ads change when I post each time. That's cuz they're responding to the content on the page. Interesting logarithm they're using.

Anyways, although it's obvious that I'd like you to click on them so I can earn some money, it's really not that important. Take it as a source of amusement. It's quite funny.

I've been formulating my idea of a kinky fantasy come true. And now it's all settled in my head. Would you like to see? Well, too bad anyways.

I want something with chocolate. Not just any cheapo chocolate. Expensive, rich chocolate. German dark chocolate base, with a blend of warm and smooth rich Belgian milk chocolate. Ever heard of body paint? Use the chocolate like thus. And consider tiny bits of brownies as the brushes that the paint will be patterned with. And there must be leather and/or rope. Ah. Kinkiness.

It seems that the depression passed quickly, no? Well, I have too short an attention span to do most things. Too many suicide attempts ended because I found something else to be interested in. If I ever rule the world, it will be a bloody disconnected place.

It's almost time for a survey, no? Hmm, must think up something totally custom this time. Niceness...

Out.

i'm a fat potato...

"Voted the Most Likely to Find A Potato Resembling Himself?"
- Dogbert, to Dilbert, while looking at Dilbert's Old Yearbook.

to kill or be killed...

I can't stand this house anymore. I really can't. Between all the time limits and all the annoying siblings, I can't take this anymore. I'm THIS close to killing someone, literally. And believe me, I'm not above murder.

I want to leave this house. I want to stay where it's just me, and me alone. I've always been a loner, and maybe that's the way I should be. Why I ever became a half of a whole, it's beyond me. I've yet to cause any improvement in her. I've yet to learn anything from it. It's hardly been beneficial to either party, as she would attest to.

My life is not worth living anymore. It's lost all purpose, and the fun is being sucked out of it. Right now, it looks like the only reason to live is to earn money so you can pay back your parents (with interest). Then, it's to reproduce, and start this whole pointless cycle again.

You know, when they say people who commit suicide are crazy? Well, think about it. Are they really? Are they so deluded by depression that they can't see the truth? I prefer to think they're so drowned in depression (or something) that they are enlightened. At least, logistically, they got it right. Less people means less burden. And as I know it, I'm a burden to everyone. Not that I care about half the people I burden, but it's that few that matter.

Of course, I'm not likely to kill myself. Like mentioned before, insurance companies don't pay out for suicides. Also, I still need to pay back all the money my parents spent on me, dollar for dollar at least. And then, I don't want to take a chance that suicides all end up in hell, cuz I heard it's hot there, and I'm more like an ice person.

People don't take me seriously anymore. They think I talk for talking's sake. Maybe it's time I do what I always said I'd do. I'll have to smack my brother across the face just to prove my point that I WILL do it. The same goes for my stupid sister. They think I'm just talking. Let's see what they'll do when I do it. Then, since people think I'm making a big joke about wanting to die, I'll just get myself into potentially precarious situations. Mwahaha.

It's quite sad to be me. People everywhere try to play the emotional blackmail game. And I'm fucking tired of it. I'm sick of it. It's not that it really matters if you do, but it's so tiring having to just shut up to avoid it escalating. Maybe, it's time for another drastic transformation. To break the walls holding back my patience, that's the only way to go. I'm tired of having the semblance of the old me keep me this way.

I imagine I'd live a better life the what I want to be had I done what I now know I should have. And in all honesty, I can pretty much wish that there are no things as souls, but I believe there are. Which is morbidly depressing. If God would grant me one thing, it would have to be that I never existed. Or if that couldn't be, to undo me. Every bit. Scatter my essence to the wind, let the soul dissipate. I know Heaven holds no place for one such as me. How could it ever?

I lived through a few things that should have killed me. I'd always been stubborn, and that probably extended to my grip on life. Maybe, for just those few times, I should have just let go. It would have made life infinitely simpler for everyone. I would have been quickly forgotten, which is still how I would have had it. How I wish that Mom never decided to get me to the hospital on my 14th birthday. How I wish that I had less of an immune system. How I wish I had just died then. But it's too late to change that.

When my eyes burn, it's usually a sign of severe anger, or remorse. I think, now, it's both. Why do I have to be so strong in ways that keep me alive, but so weak in ways that can make me what I want to be? Is it too much to ask to be ended? Is it?

How I wish I never met you. How I wish, I had said no. How I wish, that it was like nothing that it is right now. To say I regret it, I cannot lie. I do. I regret having to put you through the pain of a breakup, that will inevitably happen. I regret all the times I've hurt you. And even though you say that I have made you happier, is it worth the pain that's yet to come. I don't know.

Looking back, I can tell, it's not meant to be. The relationship, the life, the living. I don't think there was a plan for me to be. I used to think that, more as an explanation why He kept me alive when I should have died. Each time, it was escape by a hair. Now, it's not escape, it's avoiding. Avoiding what was planned. Maybe that's why it happened more than once. It's just me avoiding where I'm supposed to go.

Sacrifice, they say. Sacrifice what? I have nothing to give, unless you're a cannibal. But then I'd only give you a few extra pounds. Am I better as worm food? Probably. To see the ounce of worth, it's hard.

College would be better, had I not been so good at it. Were I more like PokX, it would have been easier. A daily struggle keeps your mind away from more painful truths. If I could not think, it would have been better. The fact is, I do.

To kill or be killed. I'd rather die, regardless. Death holds such morbid fascination. Does it hurt when you die? Is it a silent envelope? I cannot tell. I only wish that I could be forgotten. Or eternally recalled. Is that too much to ask?

I need a drink. A long, powerful, strong drink. And maybe rest. Or maybe I need to hurt myself so bad that it finally makes sense. I'll see what I can do.

Out.