low self esteem?!?

According to Google Adsense, at least from what the ads say, I'm suffering from low self esteem. Fuck weh! If there's anyone more arrogant than me I challenge you to come out! I tell you ar, no one is more arrogant than me, okay? No one, and I mean, NO ONE, is more arrogant than me! Especially for someone so unqualified to boast! Bah! I'm arrogant, so deal with it!

Wah liaoz, don't know whether to be sad, or what. Everyone else has more readers than me. What the fuck weh! Maybe it's because I alienate them. Where got? I didn't make you all aliens what! Where got I go paint you people green and stick little radio antennae on your head? If you look like that, I definitely didn't do to you, okay? Go call your Astro guy to fix.

Bah. I suck at that style of writing. I just wasn't what I used to be, and it's extremely depressing.

In all seriousness, I think it's probably finally time to slip into obscurity. Mwahahaha. Maybe I should change this blog's URL, and not tell anyone! Haha.

Seriously, if no one cares, I should shut this one down. It's stopped channeling my true feelings a long time ago. I have other avenues for that. Worried about popularity? Maybe. But for the things I care about, if no one else does, I might as well not bother.

How does an artiste go on creating if no one stops to look? If I'm only going to be appreciated after I die, then I rather die now. I have many enough works, but no one cares. So I die, maybe the people I give my stuff to will become rich? Not likely. I'm not famous.

And, nobody cares.

I think I screwed Chem. I think the days, short as they were, of me being good at almost everything is coming to an end. They barely lasted a year. Of course, this is returning to the original state. I think some things that I hold on to dearly, and find quite unique to my situation are dying. It's getting too tiring to be myself, what with all the pressure to conform with the normal ideas of who I should be. I find myself giving in, and again more actively resisting it, all at once, more often and more ferociously than ever.

I wrote an essay over how I would rather die than give up my ideal idea on life. Well, it seems that I am giving the ideal up, aren't I? And as far as I know, that's the same as dying. Who says you can't have your cake and eat it? I'm eaten, and yet I'm still here.

Tell me, how many of you out there would miss me if I disappeared one day? Why would you? If I can guess the upcoming responses, I'd say few enough. Precious few, but I'm a person of extremes. I want everything, or nothing. I don't like SOMETHING. Give me liberty, AND give me death. Not either. Both. Got that?

In case you're wondering, yes, the contest is still going on. It will end on Monday, 3.00 pm, Malaysian time. The prize will have to be claimed before the 25th of December, and you will have to claim it in person. Of course, WHEN you can do that is subject to my whim and fancy, but of course, you still will get it.

Life is too short. And too long.

Meh.