conversation leading to realisation

You know, I just realised how little I actually knew of my friends most of my life. Like for instance, I did not know a whole bunch of things I cannot say here because of confidential agreements. Really. Yes. Truly so. And I know I'm being vague but live with that.

I went out to lunch with a particular Kelvin Goh today. Lolz. First time I've ever done that. And walked to Taipan in the blaring sun too. That was fun. And we ate at BK. For the fun of it. And the air conditioning and free flow drinks. Not that we had more than one refill anyway. So the idea was, he told me a bunch of stuff that I never knew were possible to imagine in such a nice guy like him. He divulged a whole spectrum of deep dark secrets that I never knew shone from someone seemingly so happy with what he currently has in life. And he told me an unsual way of getting round bureucratic administrative regulatory laws about inheritance of land. Wierdness, but oh-so-practical. I can't write what it was because he reads this blog and knows where I live and I would be oh-so-screwed. And I value my virginity, sad to say as a guy, lolz.

The whole day got me thinking, how little I knew about the world around me, and the people living in it. All along you would think these people are so literally what they appear to be, for all purposes and intentions. Then, suddenly, the truth hits you. And these things don't hit me lightly, and I feel the crush very acutely, even though I don't let on these things in person. Even someone living in the same house as I am let on a side that I cannot truly have pictured before. And this realisation is wierd. Does this whole she-bang come with this little maturity thingy? They never let you read the fine print...

Morbidity is the name of the game, at least where the novel Lord of the Flies is concerned. The novel is sooooo gay at the beginning, with litte boys lusting after each other's naked flesh. Then it starts to get pure sick later, with kids killing each other and hunting wild boar, spilling the guts and spiking a head to a stake and stuff like that. And these kids are below the fucking age of 12, dammit! And the word sequence Lord of the Flies does not appear in the novel any more than 10 times, as far as I counted, and only two minor occasions is it relevant at all to the story. And the Lord of the Flies is a pig's head on a stake with a pile of guts in front of it. This they call recommended reading for high school!? Wow. Talk about sadistic. But I suppose it's kinda cool in a way.

I find myself drawn to substance abuse more and more these days. I don't smoke, for 3 factors: only half lung capacity due to childhood pneumonia, can't stand the smell and feel like throwing up, and as well as being unable to afford the fucking habit. However, I do seem to use alcohol a tiny bit more, though shandy doesn't really count but I can't quite buy wine yet cuz they're really strict about wines and I'm not quite 18 yet and it's expensive anyways. Also, I seem to like coffee alot now even though it does absolutely nothing for me whatsoever and tea is going on overload. Paracetamol seems to be playing an increasing role in my nothing-to-do time. Crap. I am developing an aversion to sweet stuff, especially candy, but I still have random cravings for ice cream. Hmm. All these dependencies are reminiscent of a pregnant woman. Better go get myself checked, lolz.

On another note, I really really really wanna get a job soon, as a wedding photographer. I heard the money is good, and the hours are short enough, although the jobs are sparse and far spaced between, which is actually perfect for a college student. Why do I need this job? Actually to be honest, I don't. My parents still provide anything I need at the moment. It's only everything I WANT that they don't provide. Actually, that's being ungrateful. They don't provide EVERYTHING I want is more accurate. And some stuff I want badly and don't want to burden them by asking. Plus, working will generate the income I need to wean myself off an allowance and perhaps allow myself to go get a car. Howver, there are a few things cutting off my path to wedding photograher: I need a good camera, and I need some place to launch my business plan. The latter has been fixed, somewhat, cuz I have a friend with videographing skills already with his own company (of sorts) for weddings, and he sorta needs a photographer partner. Cool. The first thing is hard to change though. I will need a model of about 3-4 grand to get the camera I'm looking at right now, which is truly the only one worth getting at the moment. I suppose I could use the equipment I have right now, except it's not really mine and I hate to borrow. Meh.

I will stop this unneccesarily long post now. I have too much to say today. If you want to hear more, MSN me. Too lazy to think of anymore right now. Plus, I really should be writing a poem of sorts, but I have no inspiration at the moment. Meh.

Typing in the Dark

tippy tappy tippy tappy
a jogging noise through the night
wakes none asleep but keeps all awake
letters pour out of the fenzied but muted activity
and meaning out of formless thoughts take flight

tippy tappy tippy tappy
when there is no more indoor light
he should be sleeping but instead
types a steady flow of unorganised thoughts
and a story, poem, line flows out of his sight

tippy tappy tippy tappy
annoyedly he tries to fight
the urge and calling of dreamless sleep
a muted snoring from the corner beckons
and finally another one the dust has bite