ignore me but don't forget me

Sometimes I wonder how often I have ever been ignored. Then I decide that if I wanted to count that, I would just have to count how many times I have said something meaningful. I have this feeling that everytime I have something useful to say, I am sidelined like the mashed potato is when the turkey comes. It is only after the turkey has been passed around that the mash is noticed, too cold to be useful for the palate, but used as a filler. How sad.

Today I ate lunch with Ryan. That is unsual. Normally I don't eat lunch with him, because of the fact that we are not in the same local vincinity when it is lunch time. In fact, he passes by, smacks me on the back of my head then grins a look that does not purvey the feeling of dread of having annoyed me. Gotta respect him for that. But apparently my doing nothing about it has only encouraged a few others to physically abuse me for their amusement. Meh. Not that it does anything to me anyway.

The last post was a bit uncharacteristic of me, for two reasons: it was not characteristic of me, and it does not characterise me. Ryan was watching me type every word, so it was a bit distracting in the creative and often random writing process. Plus, I only had 15 minutes to get to calculus class. Meh.

Today, I realised how dashedly lucky my situation is. And how horribly prick-like I have been all my life. So ungrateful. I have a classmate in Calculus, I think her name's Amanda. Her parents were divorced and her mother went to the US of A. Then last year, her father passed away, and her mother did not even return to check on her daughter. How crudely perverse. And ever since then, she has been living alone in a rented house surviving off the estate of her father left to her in the will. And she takes it all very well. And me, I must bitch and bitch about how unlucky I am compared to my friends. What an ungrateful loser.

Anyway, my happy happy mood for the past 3 days has been killed. I am now feeling the weight of everyone's worlds upon me, and I kinda feel pressured to like mine a whole lot more. Mind you, I may realise my fortune, but it doesn't mean you can change my soulfelt feelings and outlooks. But not to say that I won't try. It does help that I am ignored in a way that people won't understand. People still stop to say hi, even go out of their way to do it. But when the conversation starts, even though it is usually about me or something else, I feel ignored in a sense. No one really interested in finding out. Or they're too tactful. or whatever. Meh. Meh meh meh meh meh.

Poetry is coming back to me now, I can feel it! Muahahahahahaha!

Arrogant Prick

I once was an arrogant prick
who everyone thought as straight as a stick
But nobody knew what made me tick
and that thought just made me sick