so laggy. and broke. and comtemplative. again.

Why is it that the majority of people who blog update only once every eon or so? Is it really so difficult to just sit down and type the day's happenings? Even if it is totally irrelevant and uninteresting like: I hate to eat sausages with brown sauce? Is that too much to ask? Really.

I'm feeling sooooooo slow today. Very slow. Not good. I have a mahjong game to play today and win two fifty off everyone. But in my current condition, I might as well just nestle down and sleep on the mahjiok pai. So laggy is this that I have to actually stop and think about what to type. Which I don't. That's why my posts are so long. And don't always make sense. Meh.

Talking about broke, yesterday was not a good day for gambling. Or gaming. Or whatever. Lost 5 bucks in 2 hours, not too bad for the fun factor but absolutely fucking crappy when you consider that I could have won 4 times as much in that time. Meh. Plus, I think I inadvertantly promised a sister a trip to Starbucks on me. Eiseh. And I still owe someone a day out, which I will feel compelled to spend more. Oh well. Money's made for spending, and that is what we do, why do I even bother to try and break the rules?

This seems to be a bad year for my friends. Very bad. Or maybe it has been like this all along, but I just didn't notice. Everyone seems so depressed, beaten down, manic, psychotic, self-destructive, bored, spiritless, etc. Which doesn't help me at all. Sometimes I wonder if it is self-interest that keeps me going. Because if it was interest in others, I would have self-destructed a long time ago. But then, I have a high reselience for many things, plus I can't have my personal goal be the cause for my downfall can I? Made it a point to help people solve as many problems as I can, even if it means giving up something of my own. Why? Because.

Living on borrowed time, as some of you may know, is not a very available thing to waste. Seriously. If you live in the knowledge that you could up and die anytime soon, I'd think you would spend your time either self-indulging in things of a debaucharous nature, or you would sacrifice a whole lot for the people you care about. And believe me, I care about many many many many people. The people that are most troubled and crushed are the ones that touch me the most. The people that are about to be troubled and crushed are those that I try to help before they get into that situation. Why? I have my reasons, as a few would know. And besides, if you're gonna go, go out in a bang. Or at least leave pamphlets with people who will distribute them to tell or remind people of your once-existence. We live a life of short sustenance, and we must continue the chain, or there really is not much point, because the last link in the chain is always the weakest.

Tomorrow, I will be sorta hosting a party at someone else's house for the first time. Actually, it's not a party. It's more like a reason to sit around and hit the tiles. And gamble. And drink. Hmm, must watch the drinking part. I'm driving. Also, I hope that the people who come will reconnect abit with the past they left iddling for awhile. Hope they get updated with stuff, and update us with their stuff. And do stuff that interest me. And keep me updated about stuff like that. And more stuff. Yeah. That's good stuff.

Here we think of going to do marvelous things for ourselves in the future. But what about the marvelous things we can do for others? Or what they can do for us. No man is an island, but we may all be little rocks in a swimming pool. And we may all stack up and make a little platform. Alone we will just sit there and do nothing. Meh. Wierd analogy.

Poetry comes difficult to me these days. Not enough things to talk about. Or perhaps not sad enough. What can make me depressed these days? Hmm. Meh.

Contemplation

thoughts
silent creeping crawling things
narrowly squeezing through the tight doors
crevasses of the dark pool of ideas
glowing iredescent in the limestone
cave of instincts and guesses
living and growing
breathing and killing
evil and good
cancerous and benign
pulsating through the mind
then come to rest at the base
falling softly and crashing thunderously
and they emerge
one by one and in droves
beyond the reaches of all
beyond the retraction of the lips
and cut and tear at the hearts and minds
of those that hear
even as it pleases and delights
those that listen
all proceding
from one source
one and only
contemplation