nothing to write

First of, I would like to do a bit of self-praise. I realise I quite leng zhai if look from certain angles. Okay, really not leng zhai but quite cute oso. Lolz. Okay, now that the syok sendiri part is over, time to get down to serious stuff.

A friend of mine is feeling isolated from her friends. She feels that our behaviour around certain people to be extremely phony or somewhat along the lines. Don't really know what she means by that, because for one thing, I realise that we have always been like this and it is a bit unsettling to undo years of status quo in a flicker if we have no reason to. Well, here's my response to said comment:

I have no idea what you're talking about. But from what I can gather from the arrangement of words you used, I think that you are feeling a bit left out now that we treat you a tad differently than we used to. I think the reason is twofold. First of, back in school you were not exactly a usual member of the clique, not to say anything insinuating. Secondly, very few people have told so much to so many people, and it is inevitable that they behave a bit differently after the revelation, much like how they do me. Do not act surprised. We all take a risk in everything we do. And not always does the gamble work out. Take the losses with a hit, stand up and continue betting. At least, that's what I think you mean.

Don't go isolating yourself just because you feel uncomfortable. That's just plain selfish, and I have this thing about selfishness. If you're doing it out of concern for other people, that's fine. But if you're doing things to soothe yourself and it hurts other people, I must say you have got serious issues to work out. Anyways, I'm not berating or scolding or admonishing you, but rather speaking my mind. Meh.

I just read one of the most honest (as far as I know, that is) accounts of early life, ever. Kim wrote this really really first person view on stuff, that I know I could never. My life has always been such a dull shade of grey (or gray, whatever). I felt like crying when I read it. Why does everyone have such a colorful life? Even the most seemingly boring people have had such exciting stuff to say about childhood. The only thing I can say really is that I have lived in Australia for about 2 years as a kid, and I still have my first birthday present from there.

Sob. Such shallow beginnings leading to a current shallow life to a shallow death to a shallow grave that will soon be plundered. And they will find nothing, for there is nothing to find. I will have no treasures of wealth or knowledge to share. Hopefully treasures given of myself will be left, that they can try pludering those. If people keep them that is. Sigh.

On the poem, this is actually my second post for today, but damned college firewalls disconnect you from Blogger. Or the thing doesn't stay connected for too long. Fuck it all, that was a long long story about this crazed and sad guy. Meh.

shallow grave

in the night they come
to dig steal and plunder
and cart away treasures
from my shallow resting place
they work quickly and silently
as the dirt comes away
and the casket uncovered
they see my grinning skull
and they are thwarted
i have treasures none of wealth nor of health
treasures none of knowledge nor lore
but all my treasures are of myself
kept hopefully by those that were given
and mayhaps they might try
to plunder those from them
but they are free to share anyway
what futility to plunder
from my shallow grave