stupidity...

Reading the newspapers, I realised how truly vapid our world is. Absolutely unintelligble inbeciles run the world, while the intellectual elite are silenced. Either that, or perhaps they are the ones intelligent enough to know not to try to rule the world. It's kinda pointless and not fun trying to play games of brainwork with a bunch of nitwits. Like take for example Malaysian politics. Dolts run the place, I'm telling you. It's only the mental elites that gave up trying to correct them, for one reason it's not worth all that effort getting it running smoothly cuz the moment you turn your back they go do stupid things again. In today's news, this guy was arrested and charged for skipping NS because his family was so poor, he wanted to support them. And his stupid mother supported the move, saying it was good, because then it would teach other youths not to use poverty as an excuse for shirking national duty. Tell me, when since has subjecting yourself to the random whim of some ill-informed and mishappen miscreants that happen to wear cheesy suits and sit in some publicly funded air-conditioned offices constitutes doing national duty? And when since does anyone owe any nation that has taken more than it has given anything? Also, if you note the actual content of this 'national duty' thing, I do not think it's in our nation's interest to be investing so much time and manpower to such a pointless exercise. Discipline does not constitute making mindless lackeys/conscripts out of the thinking youth, at least not by the true definition of. I hate that word now, overused in the wrong context, as is the word study.

I think one thing that absolutely highlights the stupidity of this 'wonderful' nation of ours is the wonderful adaptibility of the people. They take to buzzwords like flies to carrion. I won't even go into how they do it, it makes me feeling like emitting my lunch from the orifice it came through. Ergh. There's very little originality in society in general, that is a given for people, but it seems even more extreme in illustration of this society. When someone uses a word in the news, or on TV or anywhere (note I don't use the word media here, since that's what's commonly used now), everyone uses it to death. That's kinda like fucking it to death. What's up with that? My biggest grudge is the overall lack of originality, not to say that this grudge in itself is anything original, but it is most definitely so in this vapidly moronic society. But then again, it is only us intelligentsia that have any interest in creating originality, while others steal the idea of being original from us and use it to death, whereby being original is no longer original. Vicious cycle it is perhaps, but that's the whole point. The elite are elite because they are like the common, but only in smaller numbers, and on the opposite side of the spectrum.

Wen just sent me an absolutely profound message, not that I haven't heard it before, but in the context in which it was said, it was absolutely profound. I present to you the aforementioned note, unabridged: "To love someone, you have to learn to love yourself first. Guess we're the reason for each other to love ourselves." As you might have noticed from reading these ramblings of a random sort, I do not really love myself. I may be narcissistic (thanks, Wen!), but I did not truly love myself. It was more like a cover for my absolute hatred of my own existence, for the past 17 years. Self absorbed, but not in the way I portrayed. Not sure if anyone else noticed. You know my reasons for hating myself now, but I don't think it was made clear those days. Sweetheart, if you had known me back then, you wouldn't give a fuck about me right now. That much I can say. In fact, I would dare say you would be downright disgusted with the person, regardless of the actual final product. I was. I sometimes still am. And I know many of my 'friends' still are. They know who they are, those who really were my friends, and those who were there to leech. I thank God that you did not know me then. I would probably be lying in some monsoon drain, rotting away by now, had it not been for you. Dramatic, maybe, but definitely possible.

Have you ever explored a person's soul? Or at least try to ride the waves of it? I can't stand to see a girl cry, or a guy cry for that matter. It's usually a reaction of instant regret, although I may not have caused it (but usually I am the cause). I'm a softy, heartless as I usually am. I am what is known as an empath. I can feel other people's emotions, but I usually have no reaction to them. It's a deep delving into both mind and soul, quite torturous sometimes, but it always leaves your own emotions very bland. Maybe that's why I never truly learned to taste life of my own. No pain is greater than your own, no love is deeper than your own, no dream is bleaker than your own, no life is brighter than your own, but yet it is always more extreme when viewed from afar.

One complaint I do get about this blog is that it uses complicated words. Like, a lot of them. And my overabundant use of figurative language annoys many people. I am not a simple person, as much as I am an open book to read. But if you want to read the book, you gotta learn the language. And illiterate people are asked not to approach the tome, because illiterates usually tear books up in frustration at all the dots and lines swimming at them. I hate people who annoy me. Or rather I hate people annoying me. Hate the sin, not the sinner, lolz.

Insanity of my life, I don't know what to do after this year ends. I have no aims, no goals, I am prepared to end my life at that point. I hate indecision. It's quite a waste of time and patience. I was thinking of doing a double major, like probably business with some technical course, but that's only as a safeguard. I feel like I really want to do something artistic. That's what the technically superior creators are drawn to. Hehe, syokness. Vivaldi's Four Seasons is playing in the background. Vanessa Mae is a fantastic violinist. Like I was saying, I am given to the world of technical superiority, but the dark artistic side lures me. I am a power in both, but not omnipotent in either. I am like a wandermage, with skills of all sorts mastered to a relatively high level, but each never a match to the greatest of their own right. I can sling my own defence, but I am helpless in the field of each master. Sigh. The real question is what should I do? My skills extend far, but the roots do not go deep enough to stay, but too deep to replant. Sighness.

I love my sweetheart. Longing for her touch, her voice, her smile, her cute cute giggle (kawaii!!), and her kiss. Hmm, really like that last one, like a lot. But I like being with her most of all. I love you, Wen. Jin out.