once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there were two princesses named Amnesia Ann and Insomnia Ingrid. They were both fast friends, spanning the gap between the two kingdoms of Forgetful and Sleepless, who were constantly warring. The two princesses could see what the rest of the both kingdoms could not: they were both inexplicably intertwined. Well, actually it could be explained, except that Forgetful could never remember what it was, and Sleepless could not concentrate too hard on the issue. The princesses knew that, and they also knew that should the warring factions manage to kill each other, they would destroy the entire continent of In-My-Head, which both kingdoms were sitting nicely on. Anyways, the two princesses decided to start a lesbian relationship, adopt a child from a border couple of husband and wife from Forgetful and Insomnia respectively. Eventually this child would write the history of the two kingdoms from the telltale of both his mothers, but given his mixed parentage, the history recorded by him was less than reliable, hence this rather incomprehensible notes.

Anyways, my mind is so fractured that it came up with this senseless idea, and indeed these two kingdoms are fighting it out in my head as I write. Around me my world is crumbling, but I am not touched. The dust does not even settle on my shoulder. People are cracking up. Evans has only slept 6 hours altogether in the past 3 days, I haven't seen heads or tails of anyone else from old Seafield. But I know exam pressure has already cracked a few pots, and is in the process of destroying more pottery. Some friends are back, some are coming back soon. Haven't heard anything much from those who are back, hearing a lot from those yet to return. As is, ICPU finals is this week, many are also under high tension, no idea if some cables will hold up. It's me that seems to be the only stable structure around.

Wen pointed out that my structure is a hollow one. She is right. There is no refuting that my strength lies in my false outer shell of confidence. Again and again I put up the shield, people find me arrogant, they are right. It has sustained me ever since I knew, even though I thought I had discarded it long ago. Apparently it is a Shield-Boomerang. It will always come back to haunt me no matter how far I throw it. Useful, powerful it is. But it comes at a high soul-cost. I am the donut, she is the jelly filling. The pastry is tasteless without the cream, she gives me character, she makes me a reason to be chosen. She feels that she is arrogant for assuming that she could fill that void. I feel honored that she would care to do so. She said feeling of arrogance was reinforced by something she did at work today, but she didn't say what. I don't know, and I have no excuse for my lack of knowing. The boyfriend is supposed to know all these, that they may comfort their charges accordingly. More often than not, this particular one is the one that needs the comfort, that needs the protection, that needs the love. It is supposed to be a completion of both in each other, but here it's actually a parasitic relationship. He just feeds off her love, but has little else to return. Why does she keep him around?

Fate is consipiring to seperate them. In this case, he has an idea that Fate may be right. First, the distance. Next, the education. Next, the rules. Soon, it will be the heart that's tested. We are failing the first three. Will we make it through the fourth? He does not dare to answer. He shudders at the thought.

Suddenly Jin is filled with the desire to kill a certain cousin Jennifer for providing the wrong email address for a younger cousin Nicolas. Nonetheless, he met a rather random 32 year old instead. Very interesting. Tobacco blender who has lived in at least more than one place apparently. Wide range of interests, has ability to understand more than one language, and blogs too. Oh, looks nothing like my cousin. And also came from Taylor's. How cool is that?

Tomorrow is the English 3U paper. Jin has done nothing to get ready. He never does. He's a useless lazy moron, but a highly successful one at that. Maybe that's his appeal? Maybe it's his repulsion? No idea, it doesn't matter. It's a fact to be taken into consideration, nothing more, nothing less.

Seperation surrounds him. Semester is over, won't be seeing many many faces ever again. Some I won't miss, some I will. His past closely knit jacket of friends from a particular Cap Seafield yarn is unravelled. Even worse, the likelihood of seperation with Wen increases in his mind with every passing day, regardless of actual outcome. He no longer feels lonely. He has gotten used to that. He feels sadness, yes, but only because he knows it will hurt her when it comes, whether of this, or of other circumstances. He only hopes that the pain he causes her will never be intentional. He can no longer watch his every action, his mind and body are reducing, as his physical strength degrades. He does not know why.

Jin out.