my heart is slightly compressed...

I'm feeling very small right now, which in no way reflects my physical condition. Combat mode online, so I'm very straight to the point right now. I'll tell people what I think, how I feel, but most importantly, do things in a manner that will get things done. So I don't really give a fuck about what the hell everyone thinks. Well, I still do take note, but it's not likely to affect my judgement now. But that don't change the fact I'm feeling very insecure right now. Insecure about a few things.

For one thing, quite a few friends I know have fallen into romantic situations. I'm really happy for those who have gotten lucky and hit it off (if one thing, it's a whole lot less complaining and crying to hear, lolz), and for those that haven't you have me to talk to, if you should ever need so. All this makes the world more interesting, admittedly, but for one, it makes me even more unsure about my future. I'm sure, considering it's Wen I'm talking about here, that it will be a great one. But how will it end, if and when it does? It scares me sometimes to think about it, but even worse when I notice that I'm just so accepting about it and not worrying. But then again, I was never known to be a normal person, so I shouldn't expect normal reactions. But it is disruptive, especially so in combat mode.

Another worry came up. I don't know why, my mind worries when I have no reason to. It's quite strange, cuz there isn't the pinch of despair that usually accompanies it. Sigh. Exploring poetry written in December, PokX brings up a point about the poem that I never truly considered, and he probably don't realise it too. The poem Teardrops, I noticed that I had written it during a short week that I found that I could cry at will. It was a very tragic week, although nothing had really happened, it was a tragedy of brain chemistry. Very few times I feel so fucked up, only then was it worse than every other time since then. Or ever for that matter.

Hmm, I didn't notice a certain characteristic that Wen has. Won't say what it is, cuz she'll probably screw me one over if I did. But let's just say that it makes her a whole lot more interesting than she already is, which is hard for me to imagine, but it is. Must explore this unseen facet, maybe milk it for what it's worth, hmm...

Someone pointed out that Wen was right about one thing. I should feel so lucky that someone's there to love me for who I am. And darling, I do believe that. Very few people do that. Not even my own family loves me for who I am. They only do it because of what I am: a blood relative. If I look closely, I see that there is no way I'm being loved for me. So, yeah, you're one of the handful of people in the world that do, and the only one that does it so intensly. And baby, I love you too.

PokX said it was time for me to write some poetry. Won't do a soppy love poem this time. I think Wen is quite sick of that, lolz. Instead, I think I will write something else. Maybe. Mehness...

Back in a Long While

Books full of useless notes
Albums full of pictures
Envelopes full of love letters
Boxes full of junk

I've not been
Back in a long while
Don't know where anything is
It's kinda like that feeling
When you don't see the light of day
When you've only seen your ceiling

Eyes full of tears
Hands full of calluses
Heads full of memories
Pockets full of lint

I've not been
Back in a long while
Picking up bits here and there
It's kinda like the feeling
That when you never know your way
It's okay, cuz I know it's life's dealing

I loveth thee, my sweetest honey. Jin out.