is the future for me to worry...

I am really afraid. I was thinking of what would happen at the end of the year, and honestly I don't want to go there. Everything seems so final. Sigh. Life, ends like I know it, and I only know my life. So if it ends, does it mean I know nothing?

I feel so foolish. I can't speak to my sweetheart over the phone. Everytime she calls, my heart just stops, my lips dry up, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. I never know what to say to ANYONE over the phone, but when she calls, it's like a panic attack, lolz. I'm always so afraid I'd blurt out something hurtful or stupid or something. So I usually say very normal things. Sigh, if it wasn't for my inherent weakness, I'd call her a lot more often. So stupid, so stupid. Smacking my head across with a spiked mallet doesn't half tell of the stupidity I feel. But I always feel so comfortable with her, in person. She's so approachable. But still very shy, ehehe. Not to say that I'm not a bit. Common male problem, never know what to do with my hands. Ergh. And my arms are really really long. Sigh. So many defects, don't know what she sees in me, lolz. Oh well, she loves me and I love her and that's all that matters, I suppose, lolz. *kis

Why oh why oh why must the Science department of ICPU decide to do a roller coaster this year. I blame you, Mr. Joy Maryaraj Augustine! Head of Science for ICPU, and you couldn't give us a culminating project that does not sodomise us completely? Shame on you. And it's so time consuming, too. Aih, fuck it. I'm just gonna make a track that runs well. That's all. I really seem to be flunking all my tests anyways, might as well be consistent.

English presentation is not going well. No reahearsal yet, because we don't have the time. Oh, fuck it all, I will wing it, even though Miss K says there's no way we can do that. I suck at rehearsing, and the only time when my presentations are interesting is when I do it offhand. And if that ain't good enough, then I suppose neither am I. I've sorta given up on being the top student anyways, it's giving me the bloated-head-which-causes-everything-to-be-fucked-real-bad syndrome. So much so that I really have to mentally check my attitude all the time. Which is also a concern when I'm around her.

The thing about me is that I get real cocky after I get something right. And then it always comes back to fuck my rear, lolz. Honestly. I do perfectly well, as long as I feel I'm still noobish and don't know much. That's when I listen and actually don't do brash and arrogant stuff. But when I get it right, hoo boy. Go ask anyone who knows me. Go ahead.

Moonlight Kiss

quiet glow
reflecting off your beautiful eyes
i see you smile
and my heart skips a beat
the utter peace
such serene wonder
i hold your hands close to my heart
to let you know who it beats for
as your silken locks gleam in the dark
your whisper echoes off the trees
bouncing likewise in my mind
but it's nothing like the bliss
when we share that moonlight kiss

Ehehe. A thought, or reality? I love you, Wen. Jin out.