sun, sand, and a fat ugly guy that looks like an inverse red panda...

Okay, I promised a post of some sort, so I might as well. Pictures from yesterday's event are below. Hover your mouse for the captions of the pics.















Damnit. Seriously got to think of working out. Or starve all the fat off me. And surgically remove the stupid orange peel skin. Can't go around topless leh, which is terrible news for a guy. The only reasons a guy can give for walking around without a shirt on is if he's either:

~really buff (don't really know anyone really buff, maybe Asyraf?)
~not really buff, but well proportioned (my cousin, Jee Kwan)
~okay, fine, just not fat (err, almost anyone else)
~okay, okay, fine, fine, fat, but good looking, or perhaps even cute-ish in the plumpish sort of way (quite a few people, like, can't think of anyone though)
~thick skinned (err, pig)
~oblivious (dead pig)

The trick is, I'd rather be anyone of the first three, which I'm not. I'm not even the fourth. And while I used to be a strange combination of the last two, I'm not quite that anymore. Ergh. Hell, I think my tits are larger than most girls'. Which is kinda depressing since they're not pecs. And it kinda looks like I'm pregnant. Gross.

Another thing is that I look like a panda, that's red, inversely. I'm red all over, with white circular things around my eyes. Inverse red panda. And I feel all cooked. It's like having hot lamps constantly pointing towards you. On the other hand, it's the first real tan I've had in a long time, say two and a half years. Also, the first real swim in God- knows-how-long. Now the tan lines are fading. Wakaka. And, I don't have those unsightly stripes on my feet anymore. I tell you, sometimes I almost want to walk around barefoot.

Should I show holiday pics? Maybe. Ah. Those that don't show unsightly pictures of me lar. Honestly, I hate my skin, I hate my body. A lot. Sounds so female, I know.

Another thing. I lost the dog tag Evon gave to me. I feel so fucking horrible. I told myself a million times to take it off before going into the sea, and I didn't Fuck me fuck me fuck me stupidity! Really felt like crying. I still feel horrible about it, but since I promised to get over it quick, I will. But oh, the fucked up ness. Sob.

Anyways, take a gander at my weirdly relaxing/depressing/hot weekend getaway:















Argh.

Got tagged again. Shit. Gonna be damn long lar.

1986: 19 years ago.
A bit the early lor...

1995: 10 years ago.
Don't really recall. My life prior to secondary school is really a blur. I do recall that I was quite satisfied with life then. I never really had any academic struggles, lived blissfully unaware of the lifetime ahead. Being grown up had never seemed further away. How nice.

2000: 5 years ago.
My brother was born. Besides that, I don't really know. Form 1 was probably interesting, had I actually notice anything going around me. As it is, I don't recall being as popular as I was in primary school. Maybe because M:tG wasn't going to be dominated by me again. At any rate, I suppose I had a decent circle of 'friends'. Not too sure. My life is kind of like a blur at the moment.

2002: 3 years ago.
Form 3. I don't really recall. I do remember having bad impressions over a certain Pn Phung. Whether or not I still have those impressions, I do not know. Met a few people there that will prove to be long term friends, or at least good and familiar acquaintances. As you notice, I'm no longer so willing to apply the term "friend" so liberally now. I take that word seriously.

2004: Last year.
Major breakdown. Wasn't due to no exams or nothing. It was a horrendous wave of recollection and sudden understanding of so much. I realized the reason I couldn't look straight into a mirror. I realized that I had turned into the very things I had always sought to destroy. Began to slide into a state of half depression coupled/fueled/masked with overt excitement, annoying apparent self confidence, more arrogance than usual and possibly a false sense of hope that my life that I had discovered it to be was more like a dream to wake up from. Discovered that I may have certain tendencies.

2005: This year.
I bared my heart, let it get broken (or was it that I had already pre-shattered it?), and strangely it didn't matter that much, learnt more about myself that I had unconciously buried. Got people worried about me, people I never thought would give two shits about me. Lost a ton of mass, precisely one third of previous maximum recording, in all about 3 or 4 months. Became a college student. Learnt that my world was really small, and that almost everyone new I met knew someone else I knew. The net's getting ridiculously small. Got loved by someone, finally. Found that I loved her, too. Discovered that finally somewhere, and sometime in my life that I can be accepted for who I am, what I do, not just by matter of consequence. Totally owning the ICPU grades. All in all, never could be happier, and then again, feeling such depths of sorrow that I've never tasted before.

2006: Next year.
Will most probably start university. I read somewhere that World War III will start next year. Not really looking forward to it if it means prices will be going up. That is so totally annoying. Hoping that maybe things will be more interesting. Or worth writing about, at least.

2015: 10 years from now.
I have no idea. If all goes according to plan, I'll either be insanely rich, or dead. If it doesn't, I do know for certain that I probably won't have time to enjoy life, or be disappointed in it. I'll probably do one of those wipes that I discovered are so useful for a productive, but meaningless life, which is basically what we are going to have to be reduced to if we want to reach that final goal that so many people are searching. I doubt I'll be married, or have kids for that matter. I won't make a good father, definitely will be a terrible husband, and I think my performance as a boyfriend is sub-par.

I tag:
Asyraf
PokX
Darien

Out.