feeling so free

Just got back from Kim's. I know I said I won't do another post, but the com was on and I couldn't resist.

My soul is feeling such release. Why? Because. I. Am.

We had this discussion about soulmates, albeit a short, and punctuated with much randomness, one. I won't dive into details. But the conversation made me say something that I probably should write here. Or not.

Why do people search for mates that are so far from reach? Why do we strive for the attainable? Is it really that necessary that we aim for things we cannot get? Why must the impossible be made a goal?

Humans are designed to strive for the unattainable. We aim for things we cannot get. The impossible goads us like an ultimate goal. We are stupid in that way.

She was asking me some questions, the lines along which are why must we want stuff we can't get? My answer was, I know of no one who searches for a soulmate that is lesser than them. When we find our pair (at least as far as we know), we worship the ground they walk on, we hang on their every word, we would willingly sacrifice for said person. And why? Because we do. There is few explanations. Love is a fickle thing. And we know we always aim higher than what we are. After all, the soulmate is supposed to be our better half. We are searching for the part of us that is missing. The soulmate is to complete us.

Of course, that logic seems to have one flaw: if the other person is suppose to be better than our person, why would the other person pair with ours? The answer probably lies in the fact that it takes two halves to make a whole. That is saying, they are better than us because they have something we don't. And vice versa. Day and Night. White and Black. Up and Down. Yin and Yang. Evil and Good (uh oh, not very good analogy).

And so my soul feels free now. Free-er than it has felt for, well, ever. Free, free, free, free, free. It's better than a sale, it's free! Why? I really don't know. But after that conversation, feel so free and unburdened. Of course, I'm still a tiny bit depressed. Just a bit. Seems to be the thing to do these days. Of course, when half the people you know start to avoid you on purpose, or otherwise, or not reply, or ignore you, you tend to feel that way. It's a good thing I decided to restart my loner lifestyle. It helps. That way I don't depend too much on other people. Plus I don't feel bad or sad or lonely by myself.

In addition to that, I have decided to shut up completely unless necessary, in the company of friends. I know that it may cause me to lose those that I still have, or at least freak them out much, but there are two things that allay my worries on this:

~They would understand if they were really my friends.
~It's not like I ever say meaningful or sensible things anyway.

So that is about all for my random ranting, or rather, typing of silliness on this here blog. Y'know, if I keep going along these lines, I'm seriously gonna lose my already small readership. Hmm. Then I'd really be alone. Alone alone. Oh well.

Poem, poem, peom, poem. So hard to find a good poem these days:

Duplicity

happiness in anticipation
sadness in confirmation
laughter in the morn
sobbing before dawn
joyful in company
depressed when lonely
elation at start
sorrow at part
the simplicity
the duplicity
love