what i'm not...

My mom used to tell me, "don't become what you're not..." Usually, this was said in reference to one of the many less than exemplary activities that I carried out at random, and to be perfectly frank, I was further away from being the perfect kid than platypii were to getting wings.

Today's events sorta made me reflect on that. I realise how impossible that instruction was, let alone impractical. I am full aware of the context in which it was made, but even then, it's not something you can choose.

Assuming, hypothetically, of course, that I will not become what I'm not, nothing would happen to me. I'd be a constant in an equation. In perpetual stasis. The me now is not the me a second ago. Of course, if you factor in allowable changes as part of the equation, there's still the possibility of outside influences, because we're not all isolated systems, annoying as that is. Therefore, this is an impossible situation, because it is undefined at all points.

This thought came about after I noticed that I was lacking a lot of things I thought I had before I came here. True, the scope is quite limited, but when you start making glaring errors like I have in all sorts of things, it's quite normal to come to conclusions like this. Suffice to say, I did things the me I thought I was wouldn't have.

Barring the mathematical approach to that statement, I have to say, well, in some situations, I will not become what I'm not.

I'm not very smart.

I'm not very bright.

I'm not understanding of anyone or anything. Much.

I'm not handsome, not hot, not attractive.

I'm not the many things I want to be.

And, I'm not perfect.

Am I embarassed? Am I sad? Am I depressed? Am I mortally crushed by the thought? How could I be? And how could I not? After all, I will not become what I'm not.