losing a talent...
Haha. Losing? I think I lost it. And it was one of the only things I did well, in the slightest sense of it. Music. Haha. No, I can't play the piano anymore. I'm going to fail the exam on Thursday. All that arrogance has come to bite my in the ass and rip off my nuts. No surprise at all.
Maybe it's a slump? Well, if it is, then it came at a fucking bad time. As it is, I'm not likely in the least to pass. All semblance of skill has degraded. Should have seen it coming. I couldn't play a straight tune for months. Maybe age does kill the muse. Maybe I only pretended to myself that I could play. Mwahaha. What a joke. Cold laughter is very refreshing.
And to think I almost had a perfect week. Now all hope of that has gone too. The main consolation is that Evon's on her way home right now. Only for the weekend. I so need to see her. Anymore practicing on the piano and everything is screwed. I couldn't fix it in a month, I can't fix it over a weekend. Scales are dead. That's a given. And seeing the randomness of the pieces, I'd say they're gonna be hanging themselves. Maybe I should just NOT turn up. But that's not the way I do things. If I'm gonna fail, after not noticing that I would in the beginning, I will do it, just to prove that I will fail. Failure is not something I'm accustomed to. Even the thought of it is quite alien to me.
Haha. Stark contrast no? What happen to that arrogant know-nothing that usually inhabits this blog? I wish I knew. He's probably dead somewhere in a corner. Interesting thing is that although almost everyone hates him, they will try to find him soon. Maybe the perception of wholeness is a lot more valuable than the annoyance of the stuckup. Whatever. If things go to plan, I will be doing something interesting tonight. If that fails, which it might, I will just sit and do my work in stony silence.
Somehow, the only thing that MIGHT work right now is a total emotion wipe. But that's very terrible. Especially to Evon. Haha. I'm not even typing straight anymore. What a joke. I really suck at keyboards eh? I should cut of my fingers. But it's hard to do both hands. You need fingers to hold a knife. Mwahaha.
Depression. Come cover me in your dark oblivion.
Jin out.
PS: Strange how the day was perfectly fine until about an hour ago when I realised that one of my talents has died. Intriguing.
5 comments:
dear eu jin...
so what you lost your "zing" it will come back soon just give it a bit of time and don't pressure yourself...
stop putting yourself down okay, it's really horrible for you at all costs, and for crying out loud,... "almost everyone hates him"? you make me want to hit your over the head with something heavy while tearing up in dismay.
you deserve better than to do this to yourself.
and trust me when i say that i am not the only one that thinks so.
jin, im pretty sure you'll do well. i heard they asked staccatoes and really rare scales, so practice that.
and you're poem of the month on my project.
so no, you're still talented.
will read your interesting essay below. your cousin won't shut up about it.
must be good. =)
at least you got to lose the talent, i don't think i even had it in the 1st place *shucks*
anyhow, i don't think you'll do that badly i suppose. You do some miracle or something maybe? hehehe
There's nothing much I can say. Music has never been my topic, though I really enjoy listening to it. Sigh, feel so horrible to be of no help at all. Please take care of yourself.
well, i don't know, but i definitely feel like it dieded. mehness.
on the other hand, i might be getting a part time job playing the piano at some ballet school, courtesy of miss eva thong. dunno if i might take it up or not. all depends on whether miss thong can help cover my absent days. can't always be working. i'm a lazy bastard, i am.
Post a Comment