murder...

If we keep to the legal definition of murder, then most of us are quite off the hook. But if we were to think of ideas and thoughts and hopes and feelings as sentient things, and the product of human creation (as are babies, for that matter), all of us are the most bloody killers imagineable.

For my part, I've been trying to strangle a particular idea/thought/feeling. It's mostly dead, as far as I can tell. Still, once in awhile, it somehow recovers and gets around walking again. Either this thing's really tough, or it just won't be put down. Damnable thing.

And when they say murderers have guilty consciences, they just might be right. I've never been one to fret about guilt. I rarely feel guilty over anything, but this attempted murder has gotten me feeling all turmoiled inside. Isn't that just a hoot. I should sell tickets to the show. People would come and watch this big anguished kid talking to himself on stage, then walking about, throwing profanities at random intervals towards unsuspecting audience members, who would be delighted in how avant garde the whole production is.

Dan might be right. I probably should learn to let go of certain restrictions. But that makes the PAST me seem so silly, right? Especially since those restrictions haven't been long standing. I come across as terribly pessimistic. I like to think I'm a realistic optimist. I keep my high hopes to myself, because I don't like to fall flat. Horrible as my face is, I wouldn't like to damage it further.

What SHOULD I do for dinner, hey?

Someone kill me please. Gah.