and so it begins...

Three hours and fourteen minutes into the new year and already I plan to make it the most fascinating I have seen thus far. Of course, new things generally are fascinating, up to a point. The year 2006 and has a few interesting things held in store for it, if planning, or prophecy, or random chance, are to be believed in. Take for example:

~Some people will actually use Latin in less literal translation. Carpe anno.

~Jin is going to Uni. Which one remains to be seen, but the all indicators are, well, indicating the University of Melbourne. Jin is secretly annoyed at a particular Piggy at not having already made a firm decision but merely hinting at his likelihood of going to a middle-of-nowhere-dead-town rather than the hip-and-happening-urban-metropolis-of-a-southerly-nature, thereby enabling Jin to save a ton on rental, and have a roomie he THINKS he'd be comfortable with. Meh.

~Jin is going to avoid engaging in any relationships of the romantic and/or sexual kinds, male and/or female. He feels that he's probably caused enough harm in this field for the time being.

~A few people are getting their driver's licenses. Finally. Now we can have those initiation rites a.k.a. chaueffeuring.

~Angpow collections will increase in this annum.

~A Third World War is predicted to begin in 2006. It is said it will be of a nuclear nature, and be over in a matter of months. Of course, the chances are that a major chunk of the planet's populace will be wiped out. As with all suggestions of a prophetic and apocalyptic scale, we take all this with a trailer full of NaCl, but keep our particle cannons charged and ready just in case.

~Adam will finally plant a garden that actually produces fruits. And one of them will be lemons.

~The stock market is going to rise in the early part of the year, with businesses confident of a year of growth, then will see a sharp downturn sometime just before August, as people realise that it probably makes sense to save up in the face of impending destruction. Stock analysts blame the weather, politicians, unverified prophecies, and cows. Somehow, the cow theory makes the most sense so far.

~Xiaxue will buy up the land titles of all Singaporean disabled people's toilets, and charge a vanity fee to use them.

~This will be a year of discovery, where scientists will finally cure AIDS and the common cold. They will find that the cause of these diseases are humans, and will obliterate the planet, and AIDS, the common cold, and practically every ailment, will be cured.

~Jin will finally have his own computer. Yay!

~There will be rain in every part of the world in which rain is currently falling.

~Jin will finally build the nerve to say something he never knew he always wanted to say to someone he never knew he always wanted to say it to. And it will likely result anticlimatically.

~Asy might finally get that mysterious [her].

~Victor will turn gay, and try to seduce Jin, who will actively, but rather unconvincingly, thwart his advances. Then again, purple pigs with gills that fly underground is also most probable in comparison.

~April will decide that lemon is best left as a bright yellow citrus fruit, rather than homoerotic fiction.

~Ksuan will finally realise that she might as well do something about that insanely ticklish fantasy of hers.

~Wingz will turn pro, then finally find another stock of Ferari laptops to sell, and Jin will this time be ready with enough dough to make that purchase.

~Evon will decide that bugs are cute, just as cute as it was fascinating hearing some stranger breath heavily during a show.

~Richard Clayderman will shave his head, and crotch, and become a gay pornstar. And his records will sell better. And he will start dressing like Elton John.

~A cousin will start college, another will learn to walk.

~Jin MIGHT get a nipple pierced.

~A pair will finally get laid and stop talking about saving it for later (but ironically not for marriage). That way, there will be more kinky stories to hear, and less maybe later talk to bear.

~Potatoes will probably be made a staple internationally. The Irish will impose a silly green hat onto everyone who does not eat potatoes. Stupid Atkins geeks.

The probability of none, some, or all, of these happening is about as known as a woman's mind is. So we should not speculate but all just assume that I'm right. That will save us a lot of time, and give me lots of credibility, thus allowing me to get a credit card.

Then, I will go out and buy a horrendously expensive and horrendously ugly pink suit, burn it in front of starving peasants, then make them eat radishes. Mwahahaha.

Happy New Year.