chewing on a bamboo stick...

I like chewing on things I realise. Right now I'm chewing on a bamboo stick. The kind you get from eating aiskrim potong. I like aiskrim potong. Much better than the outrageously expensive 'gourmet' ice creams. Although I must say I do know how to appreciate luxury when I get it. Which is not quite often.

As I was saying, I enjoy chewing things. It's straight forward. I like putting things in my mouth. I chew on straws till they look like a dessicated pile of gooey plastic coated in saliva, which it is. Chewing gum I can do, though I don't quite like the thought of chewing something so sweet but not get to swallow. I chew on keys, paper bags, anything that can fit in my mouth, although I hardly say I do this in public. But the straws, yeah.

So the next logical think to chew on are my thoughts, although it's probably true that I've been doing that too long. And what I've masticated gave me much to digest. It's true. I've lost my purpose in life, considering that I ever had one. And the few people who do care about me do not really know what's the deal on my life, not that I could help them out there. It's hard to give directions when you're lying face down in the mud. In the shit infested mud.

I'm quitting my job. Haha. What a joke. I haven't even started and already I want to quit. Still, it's quite justified. It's strange that they wonder why they can't keep any pianists. 10 an hour is pittance for skills at that level. Artists never stoop so low. And with the number of hours, and the placing of those hours, I think they should at least draw a connection as to why I am not interested anymore. I make more sitting in my room picking my nose. Transport alone costs more than the measly 15 they'd be paying me each day. So I can't even pay for parking and I can't pay for lunch. Why am I doing this again?

Is it any wonder why I'm this way? Is it? Hmm. Being funny is no longer an ability I have. I haven't been witty or amusing in the longest time. I want to just curl up and die somewhere. But it's so hard to do when you know you'll be killing someone out there when you do. There's never an easy way out, is there?

Jin out.