fine fine...

Due to 'overwhelming' requests for an extension, the second leg of the seemingly failed competition of mine has been extended, till I have gotten at least 5 entries. This will be made a 'sticky' in the cheesy manner that Liz uses, but is somehow affective. Again, the criteria is to write a poem, using the below words:

Potato

Sandwich

Orgasm

Sociopath

Undulating

Cleavage

Naked

Shoebox

The poem does not need to follow any format, but must either be witty, funny, amusing, or appealing to the eyes. Anything that is an affront to my sense of humor shall be dispatched with utmost acidic sarcasm. This is worth 4 points for the top 2, 2 for all other entries. You have until I lose my patience again. Or until I forget.

Meh.

questions...

Why is it I can't feel any emotion as strong as I do hate and anger?

Why is it that I never really know what I want?

Why is it that almost every decision I make is so logical, and yet lacks emotional depth?

Why do I keep doing what I do?

Why does it matter to me?

Why is it that I'm even allowed to continue being like this?

Why do I go and fuck everything up, because of something so easily explained?

Why do I feel like a half boiled egg?

Why does this keep coming back?

Why do I do so much by doing so little, and do so little by doing so much?

Why do I feel the way I feel?

Why are my questions repetitive?

Why are all my answers unsatisfactory?

Why do I look like a lemon in yellow?

Why am I just not gay?

Why does it have to be like this?

Why are potatoes brown?

Why do I keep this pathetic excuse for a life up?

Why do I even bother?

I don't know.

Meh.

it's all about me...

Once in awhile, we must allow the Narcissus in us to emerge, not so much because we must, but because it's amusing to do it. And as we all know, amusement is more important than survival.

A quick aside, the story of Narcissus goes something like this: This leng zhai called Narcissus was a bloody showoff, and all the village girls (and guys) were falling in love with him. He was so the pretty boi that the people said he rivalled even Aphrodite's beauty, who was the Goddess of Love and Sexual Debauchery or something like that. So, she was kau pissed at him, and decided to chiun kau him. So one day, he was walking along this road, and he saw his own reflection. So Aphrodite made him fall in love with himself. Besides, he was so leng zhai, and he was somehow too poor to afford mirrors that he tak kenal sendiri, so he thought there was some beautiful water nymph in there. So he stayed there night and day flirting and getting hot and horny with his own reflection. He didn't leave, cuz he was to syok sendiri with his own face. So, sure enough, he died. Of course la, don't eat, and see your own face all the time, don't die kau fake la. The gods pitied this stupid, but leng zhai idiot, which is kinda characteristic of stupid pretty bois, and turned his gorgeous corpse into a flower.

Meh. So long for an aside. Like I was saying, this post is about me. I got my hair cut. Wait. Did I mention that already? I did? Oh well. Like I said, I cut my hair. First in such a long time. It's really thin now, so it flows easily, and bends and shapes nicely. The problem is, TOO nicely. If I do that ditzy-wave-hair-in-wind-in-an-ostentatious-flirty-manner thing, it gets in my eyes. Ouch. But I must say, the frizz is gone, and I look SOOO much better. But actually, since no one can tell the difference because the length is still the same, doesn't matter. But I can use less shampoo now.

Hmm, should I be worried? I think I turn myself on. It's so weird. Either that, or I'm finally appreciating my less-than-perfect-and-nowhere-near-good-enough looks. Yeah. I notice it only occurs when I'm wearing new clothes, usually loose midlength pants, and tight, tight, tight, dark colored shirts, especially sleeveless ones. Incidentally, I find myself shopping for clothes a lot this past few weeks. And wandering a lot near the underwear section, especially the newer releases where they have sheer (read: transparent) materials, or really tight, minimal material kinds. Could it be? That I find myself (all together now: GASP!) sexy?!? Is it even possible? No. It's probably cuz I just need new clothes. And I'm probably up for trying something different, just for fucks.

Dance performance on Friday at OUG Cub. Getting quite good at the retarded routine, which isn't as retarded as I make it sound, but more like too long and repetitive for the first part, and too short and not enough repeats for the second. Why can't the world be less complicated and bow down to my every whim? Hmm, I'd have to decide on what to whim for first, eh? At any rate, it's giving me nicer dancer legs (and dancers have the sexiest legs, wakakaka!) and it's a good workout. Too bad I had to pay 90 bucks to get in. I'm broke broke broke. At least an 8 course Chinese dinner is thrown in as part of the deal. It better be good. Now, question is, which camera to bring?

I realise, that I do look good from the front. But I look fat from the side. Erk. On the other hand, I could turn all that extra material into solid muscle. In that way, it's easier than having to put on the pounds first then convert it. Nice. Now to find some willpower to go with that statement, and we might find ourselves the stud baking brownies in the buff. Might.

Seems that there are interesting things in 4U after all. Take for instance Green Eggs and Hamlet:

I ask to be, or not to be.
That is the question, I ask of me.
This sullied life, it makes me shudder.
My uncle's boffing dear, sweet mother.
Would I, could I, take my life?
Could I, should I, end this strife?
Should I jump out of a plane?
Or throw myself before a train?
Should I from a cliff just leap?
Could I put myself to sleep?
Shoot myself, or take some poison?
Maybe try self immolation?
To shudder of this mortal coil,
I could stab myself with a fencing foil.
Slash my wrists while in the bath?
Would it end my angst and wrath?
To sleep, to dream, now there's the rub.
I could drop a toaster in my tub.
Would all be glad, if I were dead?
Could I perhaps kill them instead?
This line of thought takes consideration-
For I'm the king of procrastination.

I do realise that Darien mentioned he likes my intellectual writing. I think he's high on something. Intellectual. I can write like any ah beng any day I like, okay?

Wait.

I can't.

Meh.

iPod...

Fare thee well, electronic device that I never had, never wanted, never needed. Wakakka. Well. Okay. I did want it. But nevermind that. The results for the voted part of the stupid competition are up:

982 The Window
706 Underneath It All
461 The Soldier
389 Women In Boots
344 Survival
298 The dying sun
242 When Will You Understand
147 A Few Good Men
74 On the Sunny Side of the Street
44 Lotus
43 Beneath the Honeyhive
39 The Race
27 Whose War
25 Noah Ark
22 Dying in the name of immortality
18 The Silver Revolution Year 2030
10 The Hollow Cost
6 A Member of the Old Bridage
6 Goodbye Earth
5 Alpa n Beta
5 A teen in the war of 1942
5 Progress
3 Oxygen or Gold
3 1942 A Teenager Trying to Survive the War
3 Comparison of Time
2 The Truth About Lie
1 Defence of the solomons
1 Conceding Life
1 Vilagnyelv
1 The old school of peculiar
1 My country my nightmare

Damn obscene weh. How can ONE person get almost a thousand votes? Even if voted everyday, that's about only, what, 30 votes? Does she have that many friends? If she does, then she doesn't need an iPod. Can't be THAT good. And look at mine. So far down the list. What the fuck. I'm so unpopular issit? Meh.

Now, I'm just gonna have to take the first place prize. I'm so confident I'll win it, that it will be an enourmously crushing blow if I don't. But then again, who knows? I kinda like being depressed. Only it's complicated when I get too despondent. Meh. Irrelevant.

What the fuck, she created 40 accounts for herself issit? Ah. No point being jealous for winning something that I don't need. The new thing is the iPod Nano, which has some serious flaws, I heard. Plus, the only real problem with the Zen is that it's not as flashy as the iPod, which isn't necessarily bad.

Hmm, I finally cut my hair after 6 months. It's still blardy long, but so much lighter. Feel so light headed. Oh well.

Meh.

just a poem...

Sometimes, this strikes so hard...

Have

Have you seen me angry?
Have you seen me sad?
Have you seen me inbetween?
Have you seen me glad?

Have you asked me why?
Have you asked me what?
Have you asked me at all?
Have you asked me not?

Have I told you anything?
Have I told you why?
Have I told you about myself?
Have I told you how I cry?

Have they ever bothered?
Have they ever cared?
Have they ever given a damn?
Have they ever shared?

Have I been gifted?
Have I been showed?
Have I always been despised?
Have I ever been loved?

For the sake of:

Longest Survey I Can Make... Try It!!!
+Basics+
Age?:	18
Sex?:	male, i think
Starsign?:	err, aries, i think
D.O.B?:	hmm, interesting question. i think it's 6 april
Decade Born?:	90s
Immediate Family?:	5 more of em
Looks?:	better than last, not as good as it's gonna get
Personality?:	intriguing, at best
Habits?:	disgusting
Pets?:	had some. one died on my 12th birthday
Ambitions?:	take over the world. moo har har har...
Most Memorable Part Of Your Life?:	when i said yes to the most unforgettable, and unlikely, question...
+Favourites+
Colour?:	purple. black isn't a color. it's a shade.
Shape?:	err, circle
Age?:	17
Shop?:	it used to be comics corner. now it's i need house, lolz.
Book?:	dictionary
Film?:	no idea...
Career?:	male stripper. woo hoo!
Country?:	timbuktu
Family Member?:	not me
Boys Name?:	err, jin?
Girls Name?:	err, jinette? (oh man, this is sick...)
Cartoon?:	i don't like cartoons. i like animated shows...
Actor?:	me
Actress?:	julie andrews, audrey hepburn, angelina jolie...
Friend?:	i have so many...
Subject In School?:	sex ed, lolz...
Car?:	i still like the camry, tho the merc clk looks nice...
Political Group?:	the united party of jin
Word?:	meh
Number?:	3. that's the number of the finger you swear with
Quote?:	i have said many things worthy of quotes, and i'll continue to say more...
Phrase?:	meh meh meh...
Clothing Style?:	naked. if i could carry it off. right now it's anything in black...
Lipstick Colour?:	err, pale shade of red, almost flesh coloured, but not quite, like a slightly unripe chinese peach...
+This Or That+
Cat or Dog?:	dog
Mouse or Rat?:	mouse
Horse or Goat?:	horse
Gorilla or Chimp?:	chimp
Money or Love?:	love
Money or Sex?:	sex
Love or sex?:	money (wakaka!)
White, Brown or Black chocolate?:	as long as it's chocolate
Cheese or Ham?:	ham
Mushroom or Salami?:	salami
Stories or Poetry?:	i write both
Horror or Romance?:	romance
Black and white or colour?:	depends
Sane and boring or insane but fun?:	insane AND fun
Crisps for pringles?:	both
English or Maths?:	english
Breakfast or Lunch?:	i don't mind not eating
Strawberry or Vanila?:	vanilla
Cake or Biscuit?:	i can bake both
Model or Ballerina:	model. i hate ballet. for a reason.
Work or Play?:	play
Music or Art?:	music IS art
History or Geography?:	geography. or the history of the forgotten realms tm.
Dancing or Singing?:	dancing
Light or Dark?:	dark
Day or Nigjt?:	night
Night or Day?:	night
Moon or Sun?:	moon
Male or Female?:	i like my gender, thanks.
Young and fun or old and wise?:	i don't want to be old, ever.
Flirty or Prudent?:	flirty
Win money or a car?:	enough money to buy the car
+Last Time+
When was the last time you laughed?:	cold laughter? err, all the time.
When was the last time you cried?:	just now
When was the last time you ate / drank?:	just now
When was the last time you kissed?:	err, two weeks back i think. sob. can't recall...
When was the last time you got drunk?:	never gotten drunk
When was the last time you had a dream?:	last night. it was absurd. but i don't remember...
When was the last time you sung a song?:	you mean hum...
When was the last time you saw your parents?:	just now.
When was the last time you cried for happiness?:	i never cry for happiness
When was the last time you laughed in sadness/anger?:	often enough
+Emotions+
When did you last feel Anger?:	all the time
Who made you angry and why?:	don't ask. i hate being told what to do...
When did you last feel horny/sexual?:	this afternoon.
Who made you so and why?:	some writer. reading your name in erotica is always kinda kinky...
When was the last time you felt pleased?:	when i decidedly decided to make a decision...
Why?:	because i decided
When was the last time you felt helpless?:	helpless, hardly, hopeless, always
Why?:	because i'm fucked up...
+Sex,Sex,Sex+
Well, best question to ask first... have you had it?:	nope
How many people have you had it with?:	if i could count, the answer to the first would be different
If not, anyone you have in mind to have it with if you have still answer?:	err, well, erm, ergh...
What was their initials?:	err, too obvious...
Were they special to you, if so why?:	wahliaoz...
How many times have you kissed in the last month?:	err, i don't think i have...
OK if you can remember... or approx. In total?:	don't have means zero la...
How old were you when you had your first kiss?:	sigh, 18.
How old were you when you lost your virginity?:	my warranty still valid...
Do you masturabate?:	stupid question...
How often?:	often enough...
Has anyone ever masturabated you?:	no. though that WOULD be interesting...
Have you given oral? How was it?:	err, i would, but sucking yourself is kinda hard, not to mention gross...
Have you recieved oral? How was it?:	nope. no sexual experiences whatsoever...
What did they think of you given them oral?:	what sort of question is this?
How was your first time at sex. Sore, Excited, Wild, Reluctant...?:	err, never had sex weh...
Who do you wish you could have sex with?:	myself. just to see how i perform, lolz...
How many sexual partners have you had in your time?:	zero is not a natural number...
Are you straight, bi or gay?:	err, not sure...
Do you watch porn? If so why?:	hmm. what DOES constitute as porn?
What would you like to try out in a sexual nature?:	err, chocolate. lolz.
What would you refuse to try out in a sexual nature?:	anything significantly gross and painful...
Have you ever been sexually assaulted, raped, harassed? how old were you?:	harassed, as in groped, yes. weirdest thing ever...
+Love+
Do you believe your inlove now?:	yea
Have you been in love?:	twice, at least
If so to either 2 questions before what's his her name or initials?:	you two know who you are...
What do you love about them?:	i don't really know...
What drew you to them?:	first, i don't know, second, mutual attraction...
Do you think you'll always love them?:	i still love her...
Were you friends before you dated? / you loved them?:	err, for number one, yes, but for number two, we just jumped straight in
If your not in love then do you feel left out?:	err, i felt less complicated
One day someone will love you. Until then all my love to you, love feels gd:	is this a question?
+How Are Your Morals/Criminal Record/Concience+
Have you stolen from a shop, how old were you if you did?:	yea. i think. can't recall.
Abused someone? how old?:	err, i verbally abuse people without them knowing al the time...
Raped / sexual harmed someone? how old?:	i repeat: NO SEXUAL EXPERIENCES...
Swore at a policeman?:	i don't meet policemen...
Got arrested? How many times?:	just turned 18...
Took drugs?:	is panadol a drug?
Vandalised property?:	yea. my own.
Ruined someones life?:	sigh. unfortunately, yes...
Continued hurting someone when they had to power to fight back?:	yeap. that's what sparring's about...
Had sex with random men/woman 'for the sake of it'.:	fuck. i repeat again: ABSOLUTELY NO SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS OR EXPERIENCES. EVER.
What else do you want to say about your morals?:	i plan to take over the world. what do you think?
+Word Association+
Cream:	ooze
Love:	sick
Rain:	fire
Check:	list
Moan:	sex
Yellow:	submarine
Dream:	lucid
Mask:	face
Drunk:	never
Flirt:	girls
Craze:	girls
Dark:	me
Clever:	me
Massive:	me
Cold:	me
Scream:	not me
Cruel:	me
Strict:	parents
Asia:	food
Order:	waiter
Mice:	men
Con:	dom
Alien:	money
Rose:	evon
Metal:	coin
Odd:	ball
Manipulate:	people
Allow:	not
Origin:	geometry
+Have You Ever...?+
Smoked?:	nope
Got Drunk?:	nope
Stole A Car?:	nope
Stole Money?:	yeap
Scubadived?:	nope
Went Sailing?:	nope
Had Sex?:	nope
Cried yourself to sleep?:	often enough
Lip read?:	all the time
Been in a play?:	yeap
Been on the TV?:	yeap
Went to Australia?:	yeap
Saw a Camel?:	yeap
Rode a camel?:	yeap
Took magic mushrooms?:	i HATE mushrooms of any fucking kind...
Ate escargo?:	i'm no bottom feeder...
Went around in a car topless?:	well, no, but erm, nevermind...
Won money?:	yeap
Lost money?:	definitely
Caused a severe argument?:	all the time
Told a serious lie to a family member?:	i can't recall
Been told that you should die?:	often enough
Been told that *the person* can't live without you?:	i think so.
Been engaged?:	nope
Random... I guess!!!
What's the time?:	9.28
What perfume/ deodorant do you use?:	err, i think it's in some blue can...
When did you last bath?:	just now. need another one, though...
What colour is your eyes?:	black
Aren't my questions genius?:	i wish i could agree
If you were a writer, what genre would you prefer to write in?:	erotica
If you wrote an autobiography what would you call it?:	meh
If it was made into a movie, what rating would you give it, G, PG, 12 ETC:	18SX
Do you like garlic mushrooms?:	i HATE HATE HATE FUCKING HATE mushrooms.
Have you ever gone to Berlin Zoo?:	never been to berlin. has the zoo been to me?
What are you greatest fears?:	to drown, to go blind, to become boring.
Last Question: Who's the best?:	me.
Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Meh.

screwed up...

I think I'm getting screwed bad. Like, really bad. I screwed Chem, I screwed Geometry, and I think English is screwing me. Lovely.

Maybe it's the bad karma for what happened on Sunday? I don't know. I can't really say. But I do not that the week does NOT look good. And it's only Tuesday. Fuck.

On Thursday is the IELTS speaking test thingy, and on Friday there's extra dance practice. I'm thinking of stopping dance, too.

Fucked. That's what I am, at press time at least. Seems that EVERYTHING I'm good at has decided to bite me in the ass a shove a ten foot pike up it. EVERYTHING. No brains, no body, no feelings. All gone.

Oh, let's not forget social life too. Everything's screwed! I can't do anything I want, and when I say anything, I mean everything. I don't accept half measures. Meh.

Let's just hope I last the week. Of course, it's not that bleak, but fuck, I like to be pissed, I like to kill, and somehow, maybe, perhaps, I want to be frustrated. Of course, that's not likely.

I fucking hate this week. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

And no one is helping either. No reponses to the results yesterday? Fine. The thing's off. I'm pretty much fed up with everything as is anyways. And looks like I didn't win no fucking iPod mini either. Let's just hope the main competition fares better. I can't really sink any lower level wise as is.

Meh.

P.S. Hmm, voting's not done yet, eh? No matter. The iPod wasn't mine to begin with. Meh. No one interesting in writing a poem, I can tell. Forget it. Meh.

results...

Damn. I wan't anticipating so obviously difficult answers. So, I decided to get the most bang for my buck. This is just gonna be a series of competitions, about 6, at the end of which, the three with the most points gets to join me, okay?

From last week, the top four answers are from Nat, sonic, Darien, and The O.C. They each get 3 points. The rest earn one point.

Today's task, worth 4 points for the top 2, and 2 points for everyone else:

Write a poem, incorporating all this words:

Potato

Sandwich

Orgasm

Sociopath

Undulating

Cleavage

Naked

Shoebox

The poem must make sense, or is funny. Nonesense or blatantly disrespectfully retarded entries will lose 2 points. And yes, your score can go down to negative.

Edit: This is due on Sunday, 12.00 a.m.

Go.

Meh.