chain of events?

Well, some of you wanted to know how Wen and I met, right? I've repeated the story so many times that it's quite pointless doing it again. So I decided to write it out. Unlike grandfather stories, this one will not pull all the stops out, because I'm just too lazy to go into the mind-boggling detail. It still stuns me sometimes. Besides, I thought it would be good material as a sample of my work to show a newspaper publisher, and I really really want to get a writing job. I need the money, like seriously.

It’s amazing what a little chain of seemingly unrelated circumstance can do for you. You know how one choice can take you to another set of choices, which in their turn yield their own choices? Like take for instance my current, and to date, one and only (hopefully), girlfriend. It was a random chain of events that lead to my meeting her at all, which is probably quite interesting in itself.

I suppose it would be logical to start at the most critical point. About two years ago, I made it up that I would be going to this specific college. I was also more or less determined that I would enroll in this specific program. That was in Form 4. After the SPM, I made it a point to finally register. It happens that there was this guy who was in the same program. Well, like, duh, of course there’s another guy in the program. During the first English class, we were assigned into groups, and I wound up in the same group as this guy. Anyways, it turns out that he shared about three classes with me, and also had the same break time. And since we were both new to college, we basically had no friends, my reason being that all my friends were either in the National Service, or were waiting for the SPM results, or were in some other program, and his were about the same.

Anyways, it turns out that we were both in need of having lunch buddies, and sharing so many classes, it made perfect sense to hang out together. After much chatting, I discovered that he blogged (those not informed on what this is, what is WRONG with you?!?!?), and so did I. Eventually we decided to link each other’s pages, and it turns out that a specific friend of his found her way to my page.

She liked what she read, and added my to her MSN IM list (those of you who don’t know what this is, also need to have your updated-ness checked, like seriously). We chatted for about a few weeks. Then one day she said she was bored, and wanted to meet up for a movie or something. So I was like, yeah, that’s fine. So the day was arranged, and we met up in MidValley.

Went in to watch Hitch, and boy, was she right when she said she was tall. In fact, I only recall knowing a few girls as tall as she was. Yeah, I’m a good 6 feet tall, but it’s quite rare for me to see a 5’7” girl. And immediately, I felt she was kinda cute, too. After the movie, which she paid for (still much to my embarrassment), we went to grab in ice-cream at Baskin’ Robbins, a rum raisin for me and a mint chocolate chip for her, if I am not mistaken. Then we spent the next two to three hours walking around randomly around the shops. Then at around 7-ish, I had to catch a train home. As we parted, she told me she had a great time, and she was playing with her keys (any of you who had watched Hitch will know what it means). To this day, I have no idea whether or not she was serious, and still quite regretful I didn’t take advantage of it.

Anyways, about three weeks went by, with much random correspondence between me and her. One day, I received a message from her that was not meant for me, rather to a friend whose name was spelt almost like mine. Anyways, before I had a chance to read it, another message swiftly came telling me NOT to read the message, ignore it, whatever. And as human nature dictates, I went ahead and read it. What was in there really confused me, to say the least. Anyways, it was about a day after my 18th birthday, and I was too busy wit college assignments and whatnot to try to decipher it, but it left me with a very whacked out mood. Anyways, I slowly prodded for an answer, and it was delivered about two days after, if I remember correctly. I remember playing the piano at the time. The message came halfway through. I recall not being to play straight after that. That was the first time a girl ever told me she liked me. Really, I’m quite a sad, sad, person. So it came as a shocker. Quite.

On the 9th of April 2005, she asked me if I was willing to officially start a relationship with her. Three days into being 18, and already a present like this? Incredible. And to think I was dreading being 18. Anyways, I accepted (which is kinda like a stickling point with me, because I wanted to be the one to ask, but was too unsure to do anything, but I made that up by saying I would accept if she accepted mine.), and it’s been about a month so far. Wonderful, wonderful experience so far, quite unlike what I’ve tasted as yet. Not a bad way to start an adult life.

Taken this example, we can observe that a random and seemingly unrelated chain of events can lead up to this result. Also note that what appeared to be an error also caused a greater good than a calculated measure might have. Maybe it’s something to learn from: that not all mistakes are bad, and not all deliberate actions are good, discounting of course the notions of moral good and bad, but pertaining it towards the idea of achievement. If this part seems complicated to you, it’s because it is. Like, duh, no brainer? But if you really want to see how a random chain of events in your life link up, try doing something unconventional. Then just follow and note the chain that forms. Enjoy.

I love Evon! Jin out.

addiction...

Is it possible to get addicted to a person? Or rather, is it correct to call it an addiction? Whatever it is, I know that I'm really getting obsessed with Wen. Before this, it was a strong fondness, as in a well balanced love. Now, it's getting insane. Everywhere I look, I somehow expect her to be there, even though it would not make sense for her to be there. Whenever I see other couples, a melancholic sort of envy will well up. Any correspondence from her elicits a surge of excitement, only for it to be quickly replaced with sadness knowing she's not there in person. I wouldn't know if this is normal, because I've never tasted it before. Kinda weird on the lips, but it's both a pleasant honey sweetness and the bitterness of burnt almonds.

I thought I should answer my own survey, since you people have been so nice to do so, lolz:

1. Fallen for a stranger?
Well, she's not a stranger anymore. But I would suppose so, given the very interesting circumstances, which I might explain in a post should I receive the permission to do so.

2. Eaten pasta in darkness?
No, not really. I like to see my food as I eat it. Besides, I could accidentally put the fork in my nose. I have, however, fallen asleep face down in a plate of pasta. Twice. Amazingness.

3. Sung a random song in public?
Always. On purpose. I suppose that's the, err, exhibitionist in me. Lolz.

4. Made out in full view of the public?
Well, I wouldn't say in full view, because we didn't know who else was watching, and we didn't really care. Not like we were asking anyone else to participate. Still, I must say, it was pretty mean to have freaked out the small kids, lolz. Mmm, cola...

5. Eaten raw onions?
Yeah. I don't really like them. Still, I have to learn to widen my palate, if I intend to do any professional food tasting.

6. Cooked something other than rice?
Yeah. Pasta sauce, ribs, random stuff. Also, I bake, as many of you already know.

7. Read War and Peace?
Only the first 3 pages. Damn that was a fucking boring book. It's better as a paperweight, or a murder weapon. Like, death by boredom.

8. Felt so terrible that you could just die? Why?
All my life, because it was pointless. That was up to a month ago, as those of you familiar with current issues in my life should know.

9. Driven into a traffic cone?
Yeah. Stupid driving instructor told me to drive alone. Besides, it wasn't my fault I was sleepy and the steering wheel locked.

10. Been told you're beautiful/handsome?
Yeah, was deluded into believing it as a child, but looking back at photos, I was one ugly little fuck. Realised that a few years back, decided I hated myself. Somehow, I'm inclined to believe it now, especially when Wen tells me that I am. I think she's beautiful too.

11. Bungee jumped?
Nope. I have a weak stomach, hard as it is for you people to believe. And I tend to only do things like that if I have nothing better to do, like gouging out my eyeballs, or flinging my head off a canyon wall, or telling the Russians that tequila's better than vodka.

12. Baked a cake?
Yeah. Most of you should know that. In fact, at least ONE of you have tasted.

13. Told someone to fuck off in their face, and meant it?
Only once, as far as I remember. It wasn't said in an angry tone, more like an icy, iron, warning type of voice. I don't recall being pissed, only tired of hearing all the talking.

14. Fallen asleep in the presence of your significant other?
No, but almost. A number of times. Twice, while driving, but that's not really safe. Once, in my room. No, wasn't doing anything, you perves.

15. Forgotten an important birthday?
Yeah, like my own. I'm generally really bad at dates, especially when they involve numbers. In fact, I think I just suck at numbers in general.

16. Gotten drunk?
Nope, but tipsy yeah. White wines, especially Australian whites taste just like grape juice!

17. Gotten a piercing/tattoo in an unusual spot?
No, but was seriously contemplating a few. But I don't really like permanent stuff. Irreversible things I generally avoid.

18. Painted your nails black?
Nope. Don't paint my nails any color. They're nice as they are.

19. Been slapped?
Yeah. Usually I slap myself. But I can never hit as hard as other people do, for some reason. That's when it's serious. In play, oh, countless times.

20. Been laid?
That remains to be seen, lolz. But seriously, not likely to ever be. Sadness, lolz.

Hmm. That was refreshing. Figlio Perduto is a very refreshing song. Italian, too. Which reminds me I have garlic bread to handle tonight. I know, it's actually French, but that's not the point. The point it is garlic, and I like garlic. Still, makes for a bad making out. Imagine tasting like snails. Ergh. Still, I like garlic bread a lot.

I figured out a way to make a tremendous lot of money from a little bit of work. I decided to become a newspaper columnist. Apparently they pay about 400 an article, and with a weekly column, that's a good 1600 a month. That would cover a lot of things, not least of all my laptop within, oh, maybe by the end of the year? Still, I will need to secure the job first. Besides, it also frees me up to do any other odd jobs. Like, for example giving English tuition. Yeah, the very object of my scorn for the past 11 years will be bent into my cash cow! Mwahahaha! Still, I have very little patience to teach, maybe instead of teaching I will be more like a tutorial, or give essay writing classes. And also write to magazines, cuz they pay a LOT. I'd rather that than some get-rich-quick scheme someone's trying to get me into. It's a whole lot of bullcrap. I tell you, they may have a very smooth set-up, they may even be genuine, but I think I'd rather have a purpose at age 30 and be slightly poorer than the rest than be so insanely rich but have a pointless existence. Anyways, if it were true, then everyone would join that plan and everyone would be rich, meaning no one would be. And no one would work either, rendering all that money useless, right?

I seem to be very intense and faraway these past days. Must be the adjusting brain chemistry to compensate for a new factor in my life. Like, it is still quite hard to keep in logical mind that I belong to someone now. So, for one thing, I must remember not to do anything suicidal, and put on the seat belts. I never wear the seatbelts, sorta like a legacy from the days that I was trying to get myself accidentally killed. Not too accidental, come to think about it. Survival instinct, like previously and repetitively mentioned in many posts, keeps me alive. And now, the will to live for Wen is also an overriding factor. I suppose my parents don't have to worry about their 18 years investment going down the drain. Sometimes it seems that's all I am to them. Something to make sure they don't end up in the old-house. But in that case it would be more efficient to get a bond.

Quite often, even moreso than ever, I've been having wishes of never having been born. It woulda saved many people the heartache. And the money. And the trouble. I know, I'm a lot better person I used to be, but still, I'm not too justified an organism. People often point out, that if it weren't for me, a whole lot of good things wouldn't be in place as they currently are. Well, true enough, but if I never existed, another person would to fill the gap. In that sense, I'm not worth my own time. Important things to consider: Wen would probably be alone right now, or perhaps be someone more worthy of her attention; my parents would have one less useless (yeah, I'm called this often enough) kid around, and saved a bunch of money; my friends would have had one less embarassment to have to bear, but probably have less one person to give them the intellectual stuff they often request of me; and there would be a fewer 60++ poems in the world. It don't quite balance out, if you notice. I'm still better off not existing. But we cannot fix that now, so the trick is to correct the balance, or tilt it to better odds.

Aiks, the hunger pangs for Wen come back. I know this is a little personal, but when you're me you don't tend to care too much about what other people think: I miss her touch, I miss her eyes, I miss her voice, I miss her lips (lolz), I miss her. I do. I do. I do! It's driving me nuts. And this song don't help either: The Wonders - Doing That Thing You Do, playing in the background. Ahhhh! Insanity. And From 6 starts soon. Selfish selfish me keeps hoping that her application to CHS fails and that she will come to Seafield. But the real me hopes that she will get what she really wants, and make the best out of it. Ahh!

It's a mehness world we live in. Evans has gone on another baking phase. Maybe I should make a serious attempt at writing a few articles for the newspapers or something. I really need the money. I'm never gonna get out of this house, and I hate the fact that my parents keeps holding this financial independance over my head. It's not my fault that I was born. Mehness.

I love Evon Terng Ee Wen! Yeah, baby, I know you don't like your name in full, but I love it because that's the full mark of your existence on Earth. And most importantly, if I cannot accept the fullness of your name, I'll never accept the fullness of you. Jin out.

sleeping..

It's amazing what connotations this word brings. To sleep means to rest. To sleep also means to wait. To sleep with someone means to fuck that person. No matter what context it is used in, it is all necessary. We all need to sleep, we all need to wait, and most of us need to screw someone. So it is a perfectly flexible word, much like many words are.

In the sense, the survey generated a flurry of responses that I didn't know was possible on this blog. Still, it is interesting to note the variety and dearth of responses. And if anyone noticed the pattern, the questions circulate around the issue of sexual/male-female relationships, and our opinions/biases towards them. This caused me to reflect on my mental state, at least the most recent form of it. Yes, I realise that for the first time in my 18 years I'm actually in a relationship. And a very very pleasant one at that. Still, the turmoil that seems to follow me after every pleasantry is tiring the emotions. Which leads to this totally unemotional state I'm currently writing in. That would explain the dry nature of this post. Also, the responses recorded in the survey posed interesting questions best solved unemotionally. And the practicality of using the results also proves to be an intriguing distraction.

Considering how well people respond to these surveys, I'm thinking of making them a regular feature at this blog. Perhaps once a week is good? Damn, tiredness holds me in a vicelike grip. Still, I can breathe and while I can I will move. And move I will, typing nonsensical garbage that many come to read. While I must say I had an interesting day, any attempt to document it would seem bland at best. A short description would pose to be a pointless exercise in futility. And to think I want to start a job in journalism. I can barely type a coherent post to matter. I think I should stop here.

I love Wen, I think. Can't walk straignt, too tired. And honesly, I feel dead tired. Jin out.

time for a S.U.R.V.E.Y...

I so gotta get my surveys written out by other people. Still, since I'm doing statistics, I should pretty much get used to writing my own. Except I have no idea what to ask. Maybe I should ask about you people. After all, considering the amount of writing that goes into this blog, you people should contribute a bit more.

Have you ever:

1. Fallen for a stranger?

2. Eaten pasta in darkness?

3. Sung a random song in public?

4. Made out in full view of the public?

5. Eaten raw onions?

6. Cooked something other than rice?

7. Read War and Peace?

8. Felt so terrible that you could just die? Why?

9. Driven into a traffic cone?

10. Been told you're beautiful/handsome?

11. Bungee jumped?

12. Baked a cake?

13. Told someone to fuck off in their face, and meant it?

14. Fallen asleep in the presence of your significant other?

15. Forgotten an important birthday?

16. Gotten drunk?

17. Gotten a piercing/tattoo in an unusual spot?

18. Painted your nails black?

19. Been slapped?

20. Been laid?

Lolz, the last one was just dying to be asked, lolz. Okay, I'd like to see some honest answers, but more importantly are your reasons for the answers. So instead of a straighforward answer alone, I'd like to see a little commentary on the topic on how it relates to you. Like for 16, my personal answer would be:

No, but I almost did once. For some reason, white wine tastes a whole lot like grape juice and it's easy to forget. Does being high on fermented grape juice count?

Got it? Go!

I love Evon Terng! Jin out.

contemplation

Sitting in Com Lab 5, having my coaster evaluated, it works the best of all present coasters. Praise be. Still, I'm feeling very crapped out. Calculus was teribble, couldn't do anything at all. It was horrendous to say the least. And I was so funked out, absolutely stoned if you ask me. Terrible terrible terrible. Pure evilness.

Feeling slightly better from last night. I guess it's just that I'm not used to the feeling of being helpless. And I felt so absolutely helpless, worthless, pointless, when she was just sitting there. You know how it feels to be strapped down, seeing the people you love suffer, while you can only lie there and watch? It was like that, only worse. Worse because I know it was my fault, in no small part.

I could cry, but I suppose the fact that she's feeling fine, makes me feel better. Hehe, also, she's going back to work, so that means she'll have less time to think about it. Still, it won't be for a long time, just a short while. And me, I should get back on track. I'm too fucked up all over to do anything useful. What the hell went wrong, I don't know. Usually my emotions are absolutely seperate from my logic, but ever since her, I don't know. Everything I think of, can't really get her out of my head. It's terrible on one scale, but I wouldn't give it up. No, never had anyone love me like I love her. It's something that you don't taste and then give up for blander things.

The thick, phlegmy feeling after you've had a long long cry, or after a protracted flu, it overwashes me. My senses are sluggish, I feel slow, and lame, and worthless. I could just sit and stare into oblivion for a long long long long time, but somehow, it doesn't stay. I wish that oblivion would swallow me up, then she would have to move on. It's a fucked up existence to know that your very being causes the one you love to hurt. It's even worse knowing that it's also the thing that drives her (am I being narcissistic?). You can't kill yourself, but you can't bring yourself closer. And there's no measure of distance that would bring a perfect balance.

I know every relationship has its ups and downs, but I never expected such a terrible down to come so soon. It's a roller coaster ride, on a monumental scale, and the passangers pay with their lives. Each one runs on a different track, ones that we build as we go along. There are very few horizontal stretches, and boring as they may seem, we should learn to cherish them. They are the only reprieve we have from the onslaught of emotion that we feel. Terrible terrible fucked up me. I should die, and I should let me be. Rotting away in the sunlight, people staring at the carcass and laughing, what a pathetic little munch.

I love her. I'm sure you can tell. Why does my heart make me feel so terrible to be so? I should rip it out and become an uncaring, unfeeling, thing. There's no word to describe me in the purest form, and there should never be one. It will be a profanity upon the earth, a blight by which the very taint of it would mark the one who speaks and the one who hears. It would curse on to neverending times, that all should forgo their lives to hear one speak of me. Ahh, the sheer poetry of the word destroys me to no end. I should end my random ramblings. Someone take my eyes out, that I may no longer see the pain I cause. Someone take my ears out, that I may no longer hear. Someone take my tongue out, that I may no longer taste. Someone take my touch out, that I may no longer feel. Someone take my mind out, that I may no longer think. Someone take my soul out, that I may no longer be.

Jin out.

worthlessness...

Sigh. Today was supposed to be a wonderful day, instead I realise how stupidly fucked up I can be. Arrogant and stupid, and also hopelessly insensitive, what DOES she see in me? I should have known better, from the first time she said no. But instead, I had to think like I knew everything. Sigh. Fuck me, rape me, shoot me in the head point blank, and still you would not have done enough justice. Stick my head on a pike, have people dance on my grave, piss on my ashes, and damn my soul to hell, and you'd get closer. Fuck. Why did I ever insist on her coming to the dance class. I promised to never put her into a tight spot, and there I went. So fucking insensitive. What the fucking hell is my fucking problem!?!?!

To add to the pathticness of today, I ran out of cash. Yeah. Ran out of cash. So basically she paid for everything. Fuck. How lame can I be? I'm surprised she'd stay around me, let alone keep me. Sigh. I'm so worthless, I'd go kill myself, except that I know it will make her feel worse, though I have no idea why it would. Worthless moron I am. Yeah, she said she's stupid, I'd have to agree on the point that she is for choosing me. Like, dead stupid. Why, Wen? Why, why, why, why? I feel like dying.

Yes, I was upset. Yes, that's what I was thinking of. Yes, I was really angry. At myself. At my fucking worthless self. I made you cry. How do I justify that? It wasn't tears of joy, most obviously not. And I was to much of a pile of crud to be able to comfort you. What sort of worthless moron am I?!?!?!

You want me to feel better? I'll tell you how. Take a knife, stab me in a hundred places. Yes, drain me of my lifeblood, every last drop. And it still won't redeem what I did. If I can't even comfort you when you're crying, how the hell am I supposed to protect you when something dangerous comes? Of all the bad mistakes in the world to make, why make this one? I should have said no, at the very beginning. Would have saved you a world of agony. A world of agony I foresaw. But, no, I was too selfish, too entralled by the idea that someone would be attracted to me, for whatever reason. Too selfish to realise that that person would suffer a whole deal on account of me. Too fucked up to do anything to change that situation. Still, if you're not gonna stab me, I want you to beat the hell out of me the next time we meet. If you'll still consent to see me.

I'm sure you can tell I feel like crap. Well, surprise, I am. Well and truly am a pile of festering shit. So worthless, not even flies visit. I want in my deepest soul to be able to cry my heart out, maybe in the hopes that each tear could redeem for each one you shed. But no, I can't, and even if I could, no amount of tears on my part could account for even one of yours. Why am I so worthless. Like I said before, I am not worthy of you, and you agreed. Why, then, did you not go look somewhere else? What is there to love in this reject?

I want to be there to protect you, to be there for you, to be the one who guides and guards you. Instead, I'm the one who causes you grief. All from my own stupid insensitivity. Even though you have accepted my apologies, it's not the same knowing what I did. If it was on account that it was an afterthought of mine, sure, that would suffice. But the problem is that it wasn't just an afterthought. I thought that I could change you. Make you enjoy dancing. Change your personality. I guess, that makes it selfish.

I don't blame you if you hate me now. In fact, I'd be glad you did. That means that you see me for what I am. If you ask for a breakup, I won't say no. I'd be selfish and a stupid fucking jerk if I did. You deserve better, and I'm the one stopping you from getting it. Considering how worthless I am at covering my mistakes, I'd say this is the best consolation you can get.

My heart is breaking. Due to my own mistake. It always does. If I don't die in body, my soul is dying. I cannot live with this, especially knowing that I'll hurt her again. Breaking down in body is not too far off. And I probably will finally tie that knot around my neck tight enough this time...

Jin-the-fucked-up-asshole-of-a-moronic-jerk-who-deserves-to-die out.

blessed but damned...

I tell you, it's insane. They have an absolute distrust of me. Sigh, don't blame them really. I mean, if you look at me you can see how irresponsible, how reckless, how ignorant, how stupid I am. It's not that hard to see why they don't trust me a shit at all. After all, being 18 don't mean fuck if you're all that, right? Honestly, at this rate, I should just die. Like right now.

If it wasn't for her, I would have no reason to go on living. This is no an overdramatisation. Honestly, I have nothing to look forward to. In the past, I used to have games to give me purpose, sad as it may sound. Everyday was just to bring me closer to the finish of one game and the start of another. Then, somtime this year, it stopped. Like, absolutely. I had nothing to power me at all. Sure, there was college, but that was just something to complete, I felt little personal satisfaction, and as you well know, satisfaction is not the same as happiness. I've only truly been happy a few times in my life, and each time that happened, life tried to take it away.

Sometimes parents can care for you in such the wrong way. Too much. Like take for instance, they want to avoid you getting hurt so badly, they hold you tight, so tight that you can't breathe and you hurt worse than if you were to go out and do it yourself. It's even worse if you're the firstborn. I tell you, since they're still new at this, as far as letting go is concerned, it's so unbearable sometimes. Absolutely. I had this talk with Mom like 5 minutes ago, and all throughout she was speaking as if I knew nothing. I really really felt like standing up, getting a knife and gouge my eyes out, cut off my hands and fling my body off a cliff. I don't know how I can do this anymore. It's pure torture, and worse thing is she painted such an absolutely bleak bleak bleak future, something about being a lameass partner. Yeah, don't have to rub it in. I know I'm lame, I know I'm worthless, but is it too much to ask that that fact isn't highlighted all the time?

Had a wonderful day yesterday, but the night was torture, lolz. It wasn't even the "meet the parents" part. It was the anticipation of meeting them. I haven't had butterflies in my stomach since, well, since the last time I ate butterflies, lolz. Seriously, haven't felt like that in ages, almost threw up. Then when her parents, and the rest of the family, conveniently, came, I was fine as day. No problem. It was the walking off, when that drop in the pit of the stomach came back. Oh crap, I was shivering. And she was like, I don't know how to say. Lolz. Went back, expected a good screwing for being late, but that was saved for 5 minutes ago.

Ergh. It's always the "I'm dissapointed in you" talk. Like when since have you never been dissapointed with me? Even when I do things well, you're never proud of me. I can count the number of times you said that on one hand. But I cannot recall how many times you have most obviously stated that you've been dissapointed in me. Impossible. This leads to two conclusions: either your expectations are impossibly high, or that I'm just dissapointing. And given my track record with everyone else, I'd say it's the latter. No surprise. Why do I keep bringing this up? So dissapointing...

Gonna see her again today. Going to Times Square to ride the roller coaster. Hehe, miniature models are not good enough for my darling, the big one is the one we want. So we're going to do that, maybe go to Jalan Silang for lunch. I know this great place. Sigh, gonna have to start earning money. Sure, I know my Dad's not gonna pay for my dates, like duh, but it's not my fault I'm not earning. They still don't trust me enough to let me have a job and do college at the same time. Even though I'm top of all my classes. I think my biggest fault is that I always give to good an initial impression. There I go, coming back to the same topic again, definitely it's me who's dissapointing. I want to just break down and smash some walls right now. Or get run over by a bus so it'd look like some accident. Then no one would have to feel so guilty.

I love my darling, and I don't want to hurt her. But I don't know why, I feel as if I dissapoint her too. Is it just me? I hope so. Sigh. It bites to be me.

Jin out.