pathetic...

I absolutely cannot believe that I'm this pathetic. I've been sitting at home for the past 6 hours doing nothing worthy of mention.

It's absolutely befuddling that anyone could be reduced to such slobberish lack-of-witness when left alone, with nothing specific to do. I think, if I can recall correctly, I was going through a series of games, and then blogs, and then anime, and then a whole lot of piano, and was, and still am, bored out of my mind. Where all that furious mental processes went, I have no idea.

This is me before the holidays: "I'm going to take a one year sabbatical, doing absolutely NOTHING! Haha! Can run about doing absolutely anything and nothing I want!"

This is me now: *whimper

Ergh. This insane boredom is, erm, boring!

I have been to an exclusive preview of The Star's new face. And got a free tee at that too! Hahaha. This is absolutely amusing me to the utmostnest. I am so amused I almost forgot for one second how horrendously ugly I look in most, if not all, clothes. Of course, a second is infinity on the brink of death, and nothing on the scope of creation. And on the scope of boredom, borderless expanse of mass and anti-matter. Wow. The sheer weight of such nothingness has caused me to spout delirious quantum physics jargon, which don't make sense even in context. Mwahahahahaha.

These constant questions of what I've been doing, how I've been doing, what am I going to do, from random people of random or no connection; it's all only helping to drive home the point that I don't know anything! Of course, I can't possibly drive in this state, nor should I want to be home. And to mention state, while this is supposedly the most developed shit hole of the national collection of hellholes, it still pretty much is riddled with potholes! And potholes are funny words, because although they are very much holes, as in, lack of road, they have nothing to do with pots. Pots as in pottery, the drug, or potions some lazy to type moronic gamers out there. To speak of games, I seriously need to find a new one to play. In the past 2 weeks, I've done 4 new releases. It's stupendously insanely absolutely mindfuckingly boring.

Anyone who would like to tell me to do what most bored guys do, a.k.a. masturbating, should probably skip it. Believe me, there's only so many times you can run that engine a day. Too much, and it's likely to break, and that would NOT be a pretty sight. Incidentally, I read a story about this guy whose life was ruined by wanking. The dumbfuck was pulling his meat next to a radiator and grabbed an oil soaked towel to clean up his mess, which caused the towel, and the flesh within, to catch fire. Pretty amusing, if not sadistically sick.

If I could trade height for looks, I'd give about 4 inches away. Since looks can be improved on, and in most cases, bought, I'd say that height would be a bit more valuable. Then I'd be the perfect combination of looks, brains, and brawn! Mwahahahaa! Of course, I'm flattering myself.

I need more toys to play with. Like boys' toys. Namely, electronics. Kinky or not, that's what most guys want. Except for a PARTICULAR few friends of mine who'd prefer sex over toys anyday, but then I keep telling them that they're probably missing out something great. Of course, I digress.

I need to go shopping for my going away goodies soon. Laptop, clothes, stuffs. All of them I need. However, seeing how much I already spent, I'd say I'll probably be going there with a note pad (as in sheets of paper) and a pencil, my underwear (which wouldn't be so bad if only I was better looking), and some straw. If you don't get the last one, you cannot possibly be more bored than me.

The piano has only so much lure. As does the computer. For a person of such a short attention span, it would seem quite impossible to do anything productive. And you'd be right. I should have gone for a walk, but I'm lazy. And fat. And as current evidence suggests, stupid. In all blatantly obviousness, I probably should have written some kinkiness. Should have.

Meh.

lost...

Sometimes, we all are.

focal points...

At some point in our lives, and usually more than once, we all have to decide on what object we want to focus on. It's like a lens; the world is a large array of objects, and we can selectively focus on certain objects. However, you cannot focus on everything. More often than not, the projected image will be one big blur.

I've come to that point. I've gotten the lens, and it seems to be a very nice one, capable of a wide enough range of focal lengths to make most objects easy to focus on. Bad thing is that it's got a few scratches. Minor ones I could possibly polish away. These are basically canyons.

I'm chatting with a Julius. In it, we were discussing about how we'd like to be treated after death:

jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
i'm going to have my body freeze dried, then ground to dust
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
then have that dust burned
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
and from those ashes, make a pot
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
then break that pot into tiny tiny pieces, and then ground into dust again
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
the first person who will drink that dust will have my entire fortune
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
mwahahahahaah
Life Goes On.... says:
well
Life Goes On.... says:
i am not so cruel to myself
Life Goes On.... says:
if i do die .....i guess i will be cremated
Life Goes On.... says:
i guess i will have my loved ones to spread my ashes into the air
Life Goes On.... says:
explore the greter beyond
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
yea
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
throw into the air
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
then fall back onto their faces
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
damn good la you
Life Goes On.... says:
hahaha
Life Goes On.... says:
well....being your friend for so many years
Life Goes On.... says:
learnt a thing or two
Life Goes On.... says:
hahaha

One thing I noticed from this conversation, and many others, is that one common point is how possibly the most useless, and potentially annoying, habits are the ones that other people pick up from me.

The thing about focusing is that it also depends on how well your lens was built. How it's built depends on the methods used to grind it. How skilled the craftsmen are that grind it depends on how well you trained them.

And how well did I train them? From results, I'd probably have made them as potato peelers.

It's about another month and a half to a new place. That is if everything goes right. And if it doesn't, it probably will be in another new place. Or nowhere. A life is only worth living if your lens is polished and clean. I am a chipped, offcenter wreck. There leaves to be a slight possibility of doing something about it. And there may not.

Why do I care? I don't. I just wish sometimes that all this could go away. Or that I could. But where would it go? Where would I go? Would it make any difference?

Most people my age care about specifics. Like how they'd sort out their crushes, their finances, their education, their homes. Stuff like that. Me, I worry about things I can't really fix. And maybe that's how I'm different. And why I think I've stopped caring. My skin tingles at the thought. And the thought repeats like it's a tape on a loop.

Maybe it's time to go.

And I just realised, I don't like my hair that much after all.

islanders...

Okay, okay. Details, details.

Had a barbecue. Invited random people over, and random people came. Of note are the exploding coals, the running about, the raining, the half cooked food, the REALLY LATE guest and some other things. Not enough photos to make it interesting, so I won't post them. Go harass Asy if you want them.

Dad sprung a rather surprising trip to Penang on us. Okay, fine. It was only me that was surprised. I only really knew that we were going somewhere.


We passed through Ipoh first for their smooth noodles or something. Kinda like kway teow, but smoother. Apparently. Me, I can't tell the difference. And Ipoh chicken rice, if the one I had was anything to go by, is nothing to be hyped about. Looked more like chicken LICE to me.

If anything, I did find the ORIGINAL Old Chang Kee shop. But I find the one in 1Utama makes better curry puffs.

And camwhoring. Mwahahaha.

Him too.


And also a Happy Circle. Like, what the fuck?

If anything, they have interesting shops that sell things like this:


Here's a curious sight:

This is a lone standing government building. We saw it near a toll plaza. It had NOTHING around it, although that's not obvious in the picture. No buildings. And it was tall. Only the government could approve something that bizarre or pointless.


One thing I must note about the northern states is that they have lotsa rocks. Like big rocks. So big that they get in the way and we must drill big holes through them so we can drive through. Kinda like sperm through a, nevermind.

One of the first things of amusement we noticed while on the island was:

I don't know HOW, but somehow these two make an interesting pair.


The Sunway Hotel, Penang. A watered down version of the 5 star wonder that is the Sunway Hotel, Sunway.

Maybe it's something about the island or something, but another strange, and in this case, downright disturbing, first sight. This is in the hotel lobby:

Like, what the fuck? I think my lens cracked.

If anything, there was a Christmas tree to sanitize that blasphemous vision.


Ah. Finally. The room. And unfortunately, me.


The first evening out was of most bemusing sort.


This bakery in one of the supermarkets has quite an interesting command of England. Of course, there are too many blatant and boring examples around. Here's one which needs a bit of wit to understand:

A popia car.



The next day was quite curious. For one, it's not pleasant to wake up to such a fugly building outside your window:

To cleanse the visual palate of that obscene vision, camwhore!


Botanical gardens are great places to get nice pictures. One is the classic bug on a plant pic that is ALWAYS near impossible to get. NEAR impossible, that is.

Of course, you sometimes end up with absurd things like this tree:

Beaches are another classic photography spot. Unfortunately, Penang seems to have a shortage of good shoreline, despite being an island. How dumb is that?

And dead crabs.


Cornwallis is a funny name. Like, the corn wall is? Is what? Soft? Mushy? Smelly? Like your genital warts? No matter.

I found this picture quite funny. Apparently I look like a pirate. Maybe I should make bootleg VCDs.


The old chapel in that fort is still there. Freaky-ish.


Some brands die hard. They found THIS in an archeological dig:


I found a pony! A horny one, by the looks of it.


No British fort would be complete without those large cannon they have all over the place. Extremely male thing to do, if you catch my drift.

Just to show the relative size of that thing:



Here's the famous log that was in the news for awhile. I don't really understand the fuss about it, besides the fact that it takes valuable space on a sidewalk on which people could scribble graffitti instead.

Had dinner in Gurney Drive, which by the way is NOT the place to go to eat in Penang. Like, there was practically NOTHING there to makan. What a ripoff. There was more just outside the hotel. Cheeseass. We ate seafood. Which is exactly my point.

Next, and last, day, we headed off to Penang Hill. Or Bukit Bendera. Which doesn't make any sense, because I always thought that Bendera meant flag, not Penang. Stupid garblement.

The rides are all damn slow. It took us like an hour waiting for the damn cable car to start moving, and it took another half hour to reach the top. And the scary thing is that there is NO safety cable. If this one snaps, we slide all the way to the bottom at increasing velocity and pray that the emergency brakes work and don't cause the tracks to tear off the hillside and send the whole caboose careening down the treacherously steep slope.

Dangerous ride done, there was absolutely NOTHING to do on that accursed lump of mud. Well, maybe eat chickpeas, but that was about it. Nothing to do, and nothing to see except a smoggy view of the island, and a hugeass police station and post office. Even bigger than the ones in Subang. The whole hill's population is probably employed in those two buildings.

Okay, fine. There was ONE thing to see:

It kinda reminds you of something, no?

At the end, this was basically what I did for three days:


What I have learnt on this trip:

~Ipoh and Penang are damn similar.
~The buildings are all old and on the verge of collapsing into a pile of fetid rubble. How rubble can be fetid, I do not know.
~There is a disproportionate number of old people and lala people in both Ipoh and Penang.
~Contrary to popular belief, there is NOTHING to eat in either Ipoh or Penang.
~The Ipoh and Penang food from Subang is definitely better.
~In the three days of holiday, I have seen no chicks worthy of any mention in either Ipoh, or Penang.
~There are many BodyGlove shops on the stupid island. Which doesn't make any sense.
~There are whole stretches of road on Penang that house only schools. Like, why the hell do you need 5 schools on the same fucking road?
~Islanders, both Singaporean and Penangites, are damn small people.
~My hair looks damn nice now. I think I almost look cute.

Meh.

unsure...

Did much in my non-presence in the blogosphere, all of which SHOULD be covered in coming posts.

It comes down to basic necessities. All that should be said is that it's all quite unsure.

Life, as a general picture, is unsure. As is, plans are laid in the assumption Melbourne is waiting for me.

Life, as a person, is unsure. The renovations have proved, futile, at best. The fascade is lacking, and the interiors would have been better built as a jail cell.

Life, as an environ, is unsure. The bridges that gap the many chasms appear frayed. Or perhaps, they were never finished. I do not know.

Life, as a symbiosis, is unsure. There is no telling where I lie as far as specific persons are concerned. And even less is known about their significance to me.

All I can say is in the past few days, I kept my mind off things, just like I said I would. And what results of it is the fact that I'm as unprepared to live, as always.

Christmas is coming. Godspeed whatever comes.

graduation...

I seriously thought I'd be happier, but I'm not. I'm actually extremely disappointed.

I graduated today. Usually, graduations are supposed to be memorable, and this one is. Except, not in the way I'd choose for it to be. For one, I remember being sorta morose about this one, for all my appearances of having enjoyed it.

For one, I fell short of being top in anything by one or two marks. For the Maths Award, I was short by 0.5. Though, I don't begrudge Thin for the prize. She definitely deserved it given how much effort she put in. I was knocked into third, and at that, unacknowledged, place by the fact that my English marks were so horrendously fucked. Sure, an 88% finishing average is great, given that you were not expecting a 90+ glaze.

Yay, me.

This is so totally the last time I will think I'm good in English. Either that, or the last time I trust my instincts on being better at a language than anything.

Why the hell I was so excited about the yearbook being done is a mystery to me. The crowd was unenthusiastic at best, and what I'd thought would be well deserved thanks, or at least the appearance of the slightest tinge of appreciation came across more as apathetic nonsense. It's extremely frustrating to have put in a fuckload of effort to get this out in time for everyone to peruse it well, and have them, well, not do it.

I am seething under this shell of enthusiasm. It would be quite unbecoming to be angry at anything right now. If anything, I have got solid gloating rights. But it's pointless. Especially when I didn't get the level that I was looking for.

While I'd love to rant about how I'll never be enthusiastic over anything over again, and the million reasons why I would be justified, I won't. Other people, especially Mr Leow, are particularly happy they got green slips, and it's probably more interesting if I be happy for them as well. If I was that is.

At any rate, I have a little something I need to do. I still have one Saturday evening to fix up, and then another invitation to guest star in some Taylor's event to turn down. Then I'll probably contemplate an alone holiday with myself for the next week or so.

Being so angry after such an event isn't a good sign. Then again, neither was the omen of my candle repeatedly going out during the candle lighting ceremony.

Asy, if I seemed drunk, it was because of the red face and the maniacal grin. They were there because of the quite unapparent frustration of it all.

This IS the last time I bother putting so much effort, although nearly none, into anything.

Meh.

it's here...

Ah! It's finally here. After that two weeks worth of ranting aimlessly about fucked up retarded people, I finally have proof of how brilliant I am! Mwahahaha.

Okay, fine. I don't. But I can gloat. Or rather, show evidence of my first book! Meaning, one that I actually talked to a publisher about printing.





Excuse the shaky pictures. I'm just too excitable! Mwahahahahah!

Graduation tomorrow. Wonder if I'll get any autographs. Then again, I'm hardly popular enough to be noticed. Oh well.

Meh.