maddening...
People always say that you don't miss something until you don't have it anymore. I found that I live a lot nicer and happier when I'm away from my family.
It's difficult to live when there are people nagging you over pointless things, and pointing out every damned flaw. Like, I'm fat, apparently. More than half the family stated that most clearly at the family barbecue gathering. Also, my hair is kinda fucked and I'm wasting money.
I suppose I could easily take it all in jest, if it were actually FUNNY. You'd think they'd notice that I am far from the kind of person who can take personal appearance as a joke. You'd think also that they'd know better than to poke repeatedly at a person with some sort of history with suicidal depression. You'd think also that I could make it rain purple chocolate soda at will.
I've been accused of being antisocial. It just so happens nobody likes the things I do, and when I try to engage in their activities, I've been pointed out as ignorant and sidelined. I have no heard much, if any, positive statements since coming home. Everything from my dress to my face has been scrutinized and shot down. I have been contemplating just sitting in my room with my blanket woven into a rope tied around my neck hanging from the fan spinning at full speed.
There are fewer great disappointments than to come home and realize that they don't really seem to care if you're around or not. I just can't bloody wait to get back to Melbourne. Or die.
2 comments:
You're not the only one. I can't wait to get a place of my own either.
sometimes, people do not think before they speak. as much as we hate it, we resent it, there's nothing we can do. you just want to go up there and tell them how much hell you've went through, all the effort you've put in to change. and for them to not see anything really, seriously not only upsets you, but pisses the effyouseekay out of you. but we can never tell others to be more sensitive. it never works. the only thing we can do is to know that what they say is nothing compared to what we ourselves see, and what we ourselves know. take care.
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