what the...

...fuck. This isn't my week. Hope I don't come down with food poisoning.

I don't think the first piece was contaminated. I should really learn to watch what I eat. Literally.

bike...

Well, since no one else is writing anything, and I'm really bored, I might as well do this.

Got another random one from Dad:

Why Chinese Should Not Have English Names

Anne Chang (Mandarin) - Dirty
Anne Chin (Mandarin) - Keep quiet
Faye Chen (Mandarin) - Dusty
Carl Cheng (Hokkien) - Buttock
Monica Cheng (Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow (Hokkien) - You are dead
Jane Tan (Mandarin/Cantonese) - Frying eggs
Suzie Leow (Hokkien) - Lost till death
Henry Mah (Mandarin) - Hate your mum
Corrine Tai (Hokkien) - Poor fellow
Paul Chan (Mandarin/Cantonese) - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan (Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong (Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
Carmen Tng (Hokkien) - Long haired leg
Connie Mah (Cantonese) - Call your mother
Danny See (Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng (Hokkien) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai (Hokkien) - Nose droppings/shit
Macy Koh (Cantonese) - Never die before/never try before

Okay, that done, something interesting happened today. But before that, I must remind myself to never order that two piece chicken meal at that Peri Chicken place at Campus Center. Cheeseass ripoff.

Got the bike today. Wakakaka.

Funny thing was that as soon as I reached the house, my knees started shaking. It got to the point where I felt like throwing up when I stepped into my room. I basically just blacked out on the floor, and halfway through changing at that. Swt. I had two missed calls from Kim, and plenty of nudges at that. Damn, I must be seriously out of shape.

Okay, nothing else to report. Except that I must fix the rear gear cables. Too loose. Swt.

saturdays...

Okay, this is quite stupid. I just noticed that you can actually load photos directly into Blogger. What the fuck?

Focusing, there are quite a few photos to share this time round. First is the grotesque art I mentioned at the entrance to the Hargrave-Andrew library:

This one is called the Sun Embryo. Gross.

This one is the Homage to Lawrence Hargrave. What the fuck?

On Saturday night, I went down to the city to meet up with some old friends, and to celebrate Michelle's birthday (1 month belatedly). So we went to this place where we got this pizza (yeah, it was so fucking huge it even blinded the camera, like, woah):

Toppings, although I sorta disagree with the selection (like what the hell would you eat rot-feeders for?), were generous:

If anything, ambience was appreciatively nice. Notice that the waiters here are so fast that they only register as blurs:

All in all, extremely acceptable dining place:

This part here is long overdue. It seems that there's this once-in-a-fucking-lifetime event called the Clayton Festival. So exclusive that they even made a fucking signboard for it:

Mostly, it is just random parades of sorts. This one featured elementary school kids walking about, with teacher parading these grotesque looking effigies of what appears to be the Queen, and a skeletal vulture (what the fuck are they teaching kids these days?):

There are more conventional parade options, like the walking of normal looking people doing normal looking things:

Of course, no festival would be complete without some weird-shit activities, like these two skinny white ladies pretending to be some fat yellow men:

I'd write more but:

ageing again...

Another month and I'll be old. -er. And to think of all the things I said I'd do in the past year. I've only done some. Some, I'm extremely thankful to have been able to do. Some, not so.

In reflection (there's this hugeass pane of glass next to me, so that can't be helped), I might say that nothing much has changed. And a lot has. Where I am right now, is nothing like where I was a year before this. And somehow, it just feels like it always has. Minus the smoglike humidity.

It's not even a month yet, and already it's like I've known this place forever. Except the tram lines. Those are shit-ass weird. Half of the time it doesn't make sense, and the other half of the time it's nonsensical. I so need to get a friggin car.

A year ago, I was sorta wallowing in myself, but not so figuratively. I suppose all the emo-depression-shit was helpful in a sense, though not particularly efficient in that way. I still believe I should have gone through with plans back then, but had I done it then, I'd have told myself that I should have done it back at 14. And perhaps it's all for the best that I didn't. For one, I wouldn't have been able to actually seen some things through. And for another, I wouldn't get to be so mentally stoned for 4 months.

Me being depressed = me being too extremely lucid. Which in turn allows me to notice that everyone else is constantly depressed anyway, and usually with bigger problems than mine but fuck that other people aren't me. People who have no or little control over things tend to be selfish, meaning EVERYONE is.

Would you keep a friend who could offer you nothing? As in, absolutely nothing. They can't do things for you, can't give you anything, not even amuse you? You wouldn't. There's no such thing as friendship for friendship's sake. Which is particularly useful to remember that the next time you feel worthless. You'd have no friends if you had nothing to give.

There are a few pictorials to put up, but I'm too lazy, plus the battery is going to die soon. And I have a lecture in awhile. Life's like that.

Prudes amuse me. They really do.

flattery...

Edit: corrected the phone number. Sorry about that.

Flattery is the best form of praise, they say. But I say fuck that. Even the word cliche is cliched, and I can't get that little tilde/line/whatever thing over the e. So let's forget that. The Asianism post was the most plagiarised post I've ever posted, not that I didn't plagiarise it myself. Thanks Dad.

That said, I'm in the Hargrave-Andrew library stealing bandwidth. Telstra, or one of the many fucked up ISPs in this country still can't sort out a simple simple problem. Like what the hell?

On another note, I'll probably do some construction work part time. I heard that those people digging holes in some garden for concrete laying get paid up to 200 a day. And that it's great for bulking up (not that I need the extra mass, swt). Compared to a white collar (what's with all these collars anyway? From what I can tell, blue collar workers have the tendency not to wear shirts.) jobs which, if I'm lucky, will give me an average of 12 an hour, if I'm lucky. And blue collar part time jobs do not require tax declarations. Mwahahaa.

Where the hell are you Louis? What's with all that let's-play-Magic if you're not gonna call? Swt. By the way, and that goes out to everyone, anyone who wants to spam me can do it at this number (international calling code included): +61406678937.

It's so strange being average height. I'm not used to having my horizon shortened to a few feet in front of me. That said, I still get looks from people I pass by. I think there's something wrong with my aura. Or my face. Erk.

Why is everyone so emotional these days? It's getting pretty annoying. Especially when I don't have MSN access to hear all their whiny problems. That part is fun. Can't you people wait until I get it back to be all emo?

Might be getting a bike soon. 140 the guy's asking. Plus safety gear, not that I'm liable to use it. I hate hats, what makes you think I'll wear one that's harder than a jock support? And looks like one. Of course, any guy who needs a sports cup that large is fucking scary.

Okay, bored. Someone amuse me.

overview...

Just a quick overview of the thoughts in my head in the past 10 minutes:

~I think that's where those Malayian whatchamallcallit people are. Should I join them now? Hmm, like 2 and a fucking half hours late. Nope.

~I think I miss her. Fuck. I do.

~Why so emo one?

~Internet is so screwed. Why can't these stupid voipex people like kill Telstra and take over the Australian tele-network?

~Should I eat at the Den? But I have curry at home. Aiks. Then again, libraries aren't exactly known for their food. Hmm.

~I wonder if Louis was at that Malaysian thingabob. Oh well.

~Going to the Matheson library. Or at least, I think it's the Matheson. Fuck.

~The art at the Hargrave-Andrew library is really gross. Especially the one in the lobby/stairwell. Looks like a collection of dehydrated infant heads and bodies stuck on a wall. Eww. I hate kids.

~I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I just saw one of the buffest guys I've ever seen. But he's short. I think I'll laugh.

~Uncle Peter just called. Sydney side said to disconnect the fucking modem and restart it for internet connections. Swt.

~The last post really wasn't good. It didn't make any sense, and didn't generate much response. How the hell am I supposed to plant insidious ideas in people's brains if they aren't giving enough subconcious feedback for me to know it's working? Oops.

~Maybe I really SHOULD go to that Malaysian doohickey. It's until six anyways. Erm. No.

~Interestingly, the breasts in this country are huge. Of course, they are usually proportionate to the persons they're on. Hahahahaaa!!!

~Weather today is total rape. What the hell is it 33 degrees out for?

~Fuck. I forgot to take out the laundry.

~I can't possibly think this much in 10 minutes.

Meh.

time shortage...

Don't really have time for a proper post, so here's something I got from Dad:

Factors of Asianism:

You know you are INDONESIAN if... (courtesy of CHRISTA)

1. when u talk really fast, with rapid tongue movements.
2. when u wear thongs or sandals everywhere, yes even in winter.
3. following above, always get bagged for wearing sandals
4. mie goreng is in the top 5 of ur fave foods
5. if you love taking photo studio pics
6. u like travelling in big group of frens, and talking VERY loudly irrespective of your surroundings.
7. almost a weekly ritual to go to church

You know you are JAPANESE if...

1. You're obsessed with you hair, your car and your clothes.
2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (for males) or you want to marry a white guy (for females).
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You only drive Japanese cars.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

You know you are KOREAN if...

1. You smoke and drink too much.
2. You wear pink Polo collar shirts, have loose beige pants, and have blonde highlights in your hair.
3. You know what a Dalki, Pucca or Mashimoro is?
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You drive a Hyundai even though you won't admit it.
6. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

You know you are CHINESE if...

1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.
2. You have a mobile with you at all times.
3. You know the abbreviation of a.b.c.
4. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
5. You're afraid of black people.
6. A bicycle was a good form of transport before.
7. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

You know you are HONGKIE if...

1. Sentences begin with 'Aiya?' and ends with 'la?'
2. Your mobile phone as a form of toy dangling off it.
3. You're offended if someone thinks your from the mainland.
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You're moving away from your Honda onto Vw's and Peugeot's.
6. Ripped jeans on guys look attractive (either way).
7. You think you are on the same level to Japanese.

You know you are VIETNAMESE if...

1. You MUST have fish sauce with every meal.
2. You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho?" on the signage.
3. Guys wear green mircofibre pants with Nike sneakers, and girls wear their flared black pants over their high sole shoes.
4. You know the abbreviation of f.o.b.
5. You have some relative who is Chinese.
6. Cabramatta makes you feel home sick.
7. You're afraid of black people.
8. You're fond of 2nd hand Japanese import cars.
9. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

You know you are Philippino if...

1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a nurse, an engineer or an accountant.
2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star or knows one.
3. Guys with jeans and white sneakers anyone?
4. You're always late for any engagement, and practice the art of Philo time?
5. You're not afraid of black people. In fact, you wish you were black.
6. You love your Toyota's and Honda's.
7. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Philipino is just cool in itself.

You know you are THAI if...

1. People want to pay you for sex.
2. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
3. You mum seems to workout at the local gym.
4. Without glasses your eyes would be the size of ants.
5. You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're just as dark as they are.
6. Any car dump to the shit house is good?
7. You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all other Asians, but you've learned to live with it.

You know you are Malaysian if...

1. You believe everything the Government tells you
2. But are willing to change your mind if someone slips you $50.
3. The whole world (and Soros) is out to suppress you and your country.
4. You think that Mahathir will be around in 2020.
5. You welcome all people (be they black or otherwise) who invest in the MSC.
6. You think you are superior to most other Asians, but $50 can change that too.

You know you are SINGAPOREAN if...

1. You eat, sleep, have sex and smile according to the policies stipulated by the Government in the Red Book they gave you when you were born.
2. The Red Book does not state that you have to be afraid of black people so you aren't.
3. You know you are superior to all other Asians, because it says so in the Red Book.

You know you are ASIAN AUSTRALIAN if...

1. You regret the fact that you did not learn Mandarin or other Asian language properly in Saturday language school.
2. You say you're Australian, totally forgetting your roots.
3. During childhood you didn't have much Asian friends, played bullrush or handball and ate 'sunny boys' for lunch.
4. A form of choosing was done by 'dip.dip dog shit?!'
5. You know you have to shop at an Asian grocery store but you have no idea what you are buying nor can you read any of the food labels.
6. You cheer for Australia during the Olympics, know local Australian bands, and know what a Vb is.
7. You can speak fluent English without an accent.
8. Know what a Commodore and Falcon are. Yes..... they are cars!
9. You know you are superior to all other Asians, despite the fact that they beat you in Maths in the VCE, can speak an Asian language fluently and know what they are buying in Asian grocery stores.

Top Ten Reasons Why There Won't Be An Asian President Anytime Soon

10. White House not big enough for in-laws.
9. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics.
8. Oval Office has bad feng shui.
7. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway.
6. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother.
5. Dignitaries are generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners.
4. No chance for promotion.
3. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct.
2. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in.
1. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles.

How To Be The Perfect Asian Australian Parent ( From the second generation perspective)

1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.
2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with grade on his/her report card.
3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits.
4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habad (Harvard), Yeil(Yale), Purinsiton (Princeton), or Stamfud (Stanford).
5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.
6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field.
7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.
9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your children.
10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girl friend yet.

50 Ways To Know If You're An "ASIAN" (The NEW List From the 1st to 1.5 Generation Perspective)

1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs.
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance.
3. You have more than one-college degree, especially more than one Master's.
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano.
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
12. You boil water before drinking.
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods.
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
16. You have a rice cooker.
17. You're a wok user.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. You don't dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be dry-cleaned.
22. You iron your own shirts.
23. You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full.
26. You do either soccer, swimming, badminton, volleyball, basketball, or ping pong, and have an obsession with making the Beijing Olympics.
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water.
29. You hate to waste food:
a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
30. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. When you go to a dance party, there is always a group of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
39. Your house/aparment is always cold in winter, and hot in summer.
40. Your Mom drives her Mercedes to Foodtown, or Shoppers Food Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if the dairy is next door.
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents.
42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends.
43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
44. You never call your parents just to say hi.
45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS!
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning.
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
48. Almost all your money is in a savings account.
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
And Last But Not Least
50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends.

From 1 proud Asian to another, forward this to every damn Asian you know.

Sure beats having to cut and paste a bajillion times, no?