swimming through soup...

Air is very thick
Swimming through soupy muck
Gills would be welcome

Haiku for the freshly home.

scribbles vi...

scribbles v...

how to...

... Appear a Success: the Definitive Guide to Looking Like You Know What You're Doing and Having Fun at the Same Time.

• Approach problems as if this is the gabablooey-jillionth time you've done it.

• Even if you don't know what you're doing, mutter to yourself and nod your head like you do.

• When faced with a situation in which you positively cannot sort out, pose the challenge to anyone nearby, under the pretext of looking for a second opinion because multiple input is the method all successful people use.

• There are few worse things than bungling over something you DEFINITELY know how to do. In such an event, just start again as if nothing happened. If questioned, say the first time was a test run.

• If competition, where you are the clear favourite to win, and you somehow lose, simply shrug and smile. You will appear to have conceded a loss due to you not putting in full effort, or if anything, come across as a very good sport, which ALWAYS makes you look like you've won so often that it doesn't really matter anyway.

• Should a significant other pose a sticky situation due either to your own carelessness or personal hormonal state, you can do one of three things - ignore the problem, become a sopping idiot, or take firm control of the situation. Of these three, the last one best makes you appear on top. Unfortunately, whether or not firm control is the APPROPRIATE way to handle things is moot.

• When it comes to pronouncing difficult foreign words (READ: French, Chinese Menus), there will come a time where you will make a mistake. To avoid the accompanying embarrassment following a correction, simply arch your eyebrow and nod sagely. It will appear as if you are either apologetic for the faux pas, or that the corrective party had passed some obscure/unknown test.

(to be continued...)

springtime...

... for Hitler and Germany, as the cheesy musical goes.

Spring, when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love.

Spring, the squiggly thing that obeys Young's Law.

Spring, the kind of roll they serve at very angmoh-ified Chinese restaurants.

Spring, the action with which you disarm a trap meant to either entangle your lower appendages or used as humour devices in the old Warner Brothers cartoons.

Spring, the onions I rarely ever know what to do with, also confused with shallots.

Spring, an emergence of subterranean water in a relatively constant manner and quality, often bottled to make overpriced tasteless beverages of a very French variety.

Spring, a vale from which I often get roast pork from and eat food in a marine mammal (read: Walrus) restaurant.

Spring, the time where the weather becomes fickle enough that it's too warm to be wearing full length pants but cold enough to freeze off your gonads.

Spring, when MY fancy turns to thoughts of a tiresome existence as a corporate lackey if I keep on this path I'm on.

scribbles iv...

everybody knows...

... shit happens.

Taoism - if you understand shit, it isn't shit

Hinduism - this shit happened before

Confucianism - Confucius say "shit happens"

Buddhism - shit will happen to you again

Zen - what is the sound of shit happening?

Islam - if shit happens it is the will of Allah

Sikhism - leave our shit alone

Jehova's Witness - knock knock shit happens

Atheism - i don't believe this shit

Agnosticism - can you prove that shit happens?

Catholicism - if shit happens, you deserve it

Protestantism -shit happens, amen to that

Judaism - why does shit always happen to us?

Televangelism - send money or shit will happen to you

Rastafarianism - let's smoke this shit

Hare Krishna - shit happens rama rama

Nation of Islam - don't take no shit

New Age - visualize shit happening

Shintoism - you inherit the shit of your ancestors

Hedonism - i love it when shit happens

Satanism - sneppah tihs

Capitalism - this is MY shit

Feminism - men are shit

Existentialism - what is shit, anyway?

Scientology - if shit happens see Dianetics p.137

Mormonism - excrement happens (don't say shit)

Baptism - we'll wash the shit right off you

Mysticism - this is really weird shit

Voodoo - shit doesn't just happen, we made it happen

Mysticism - this is really weird shit

Disneyism - bad shit doesn't happen here

Communism - let's share the shit

Marxism - you have nothing to lose but your shit

Conspiracy theorism - THEY shit on us

Psycho-analysis - tell me about your shit

Darwinism - survival of the shittiest

Amish - modern shit is useless

Suicidal - i've had enough of this shit

Optimism - shit won't happen to me

Trekism - to boldly shit where no-one has shit before

Shakespearean - to shit or not to shit, that is the question

Descartes - i shit therefore i am

Freud - shit is a phallic symbol

Lawyers - for enough money, i can get you out of shit

Acupuncturist - hold still or this will hurt like shit

Dog - i just shit in your shoe

Cat - dogs are shit

Mouse - oh shit, a cat

Politically correct - internally processed, nutritionally-drained biological output happens

Einstein - shit is relative

Family gathering - relatives are shit

Materialism - whoever dies with the most shit wins

Vegetarianism - if it happens to shit, don't eat it

Fatalism - oh shit, it's going to happen

Environmentalism - shit is biodegradable

Americanism - who gives a shit?

Statistician - shit is 84.7% likely to happen

Hip-hop - motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!

Tantrism - fuck this shit

Cynicism - we are all full of shit

Surrealism -fish happens

Wicca - you can make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times

-PyramidPosters.com

PyramidPosters are not responsible for shit happening.