envy...

Hello all ultra-feminists.

A reminder that there's no such things as gender equality.

Crying foul for apparent unequal job and social oppurtunities and throwing a hissy fit if some bloke doesn't pick up the cheque or hold the door open for you is kind of a bad way to prove a point. Even worse if you get all bitchy if he DOES pay the cheque and hold the door open.

You are not the equal of a penis bearer. You do not produce sperm or even semen for that matter. Unlike you, we rarely, if ever, bleed monthly.

Not to say of the superiority of either, but look at it this way. Having a penis does not guarantee a promotion. Indeed, it's a bit harder to seduce the very hetero-boss (they usually are, but who knows?) with a piece of man-flesh. There is no such thing as a too small clitoris. Admittedly, much ado has been made over the size of breasts, but then again, large man-boobs are generally undesirable.

Then there's multiple orgasms, and nicer bathrooms.
Being able to write your name in the snow is kinda great, but remember that temperate climates account for less than 30% of the populated areas in the world (statistics are entirely made up for brevity and lack of effort). But I don't think the incidences of having stuff falling or clamping on your collective urethras happen very often (believe me, some nasty things just seem to seek out penises).

For super-mega-uber-dykes out there still burning bras, give me a moment. Some psychologists call it penis envy. While I'll have to say a penis is a great thing to have, I'm not sure why you would be envious of it. You can't technically be called a wanker if you have no wang to pull. Repeatedly. In varying styles. And there's still that whole laundry list of dangerous things that could happen to a penis (which I will not elaborate on here).

Still want "equal" rights? Sure. When the first man to produce something the size of a watermelon out of the end of his penis starts demanding the right to act like a total bitch once every 30 or so days because "it's that time of the month". Or when two blokes making out become "hot" to the general populace. Or at least when they start giving us toilets with sofas and a widescreen TV that causes unimaginable lines especially at lunch hour. And multiple orgasms.

Till then, be satisfied that it's still illegal to beat a woman if you have a penis even lightly, while it's perfectly understandable that she fling dangerous items at you while hurling slander in your face. Or how the mother always gets custody (people should just NOT get married I'm telling you), and maternity leave makes sense (where a paternal break is also called Father's Day, where you spend the day amusing your children like a trained monkey).

Remember ladies, having a vagina is not a disability. At least not technically.

hobo...

Never figured out where the word hobo came from anyway.

About a month and a bit before I go back and become a hobo. Sitting on the street in crap clothes with a cheap plastic bag full of life's possessions; whiskey flask, broken toothbrush, 27 cents in foreign exchange, an album of shiny but otherwise worthless cards (can be used to flash stun pigeons for lunch, though) and the collections of a snapped sanity.

If that should ever happen, I hope I will still have the sanity to at least kill myself first.

Or I could always just continue the househunt. Could always just, eh?

There's nothing doing with falling out of bed. Not this morning anyway. I was rudely awakened by the noise of someone hogging the bathroom.

racist...

Nowhere is not racist.

The degree of severity of a racist action depends on who did the deed. Also important is the average social standing of that person. Like it's perfectly fine for two people of African descent to call each other nigger, even though neither might even be from Niger. Or whatever.

What's truly unacceptable is that an entity of much greater standing, say a government, or even a company, takes on a preferrential stand. While I'm not much for protecting the weak, what with all that culling the weak and survival of the fittest-ness, there's a thing to be said for these "guardian institutions". Those who can't adapt quick enough are probably not going to be worth very much, not at the rate they're going.

In fact, the only time a system should discriminate is over something you can change, like criminal status and maybe gender (harharhar.), but short of acid vat dipping and doing an MJ, you basically can't change the colour of your skin. And even then under that there's the whole genetic pool thing.

The only discrimnation I approve of, of course, is one that outrageously favours me.

Affirmative action is for pussies.

the year of the gnu...

And lo, the wildebeest hence strode forthe. And doth it spake.

"Mayest all ye peoples of the bounteous earth, or at least those surrounding this land where troddeth hence the most fascintating Lord Jin. Acknowledgeth thou that at least thou diedeth not in a brilliant flashing of nuclear-apocalyptic fashion. Harken to the lessons thou should'th have learneth in thine past solar cycle."

And lo, the wildebeest stepped down from the podium to put on orthopedic supportive sandals, and strodeth forth again.

"Hearken. Listen thee to the resolutions the most witty Lord Jin. For the forthcoming cycle, his Jin-ness has commanded hence:

• An utmost high level of sexual attractiveness for no reason comprehensible to humankind except for what has been decreed - just because it is to be funnier that way.
• Wealth abounding to at least more than what is currently held.
• To findeth a welcoming land where those who beset his visage doth clean their plates after dinner, not leaveth sustenance sitting putrid in the sink, and take their laundry down proptly. Or at least have a drier.
• Much brilliance in a measurable sense, as is able to be recorded in the annals of a large educational institution. Mostly because the abstract is difficult for most stupid people to comprehend. And stupid people annoy the Jin.
• Learn a deadly art to counteract the problem expressed in verses past.

And the wildebeest spake.

"It has been spoken the cycle past. And it has been noted in full thine reachings of thine speech. And it is found lacking. Thou has not fixated a number of early characters in thine educational notes. Thou has not held up to thine matching of perfection of the shallow and vapid kind. Thou has broken another of thine bindings which thou shalt not repeat here for being found out and that would be utmostly embarassing."

That done, the legendarily boring Jin came out from behind and smacketh the great wildebeest on the back of the head and flung the twitching corpse into the audience, which, while shocked, were hungry and obviously not brought up in what is to be considered comely manners. That much at least was evident when they set up kebab stalls to sell bits of carcinogenic charred wildebeest carcass.

"Welcome to the Gnu Year."

blue christmas...

Of all my not so considerable 19 years, this has got to be the most unChristmas Christmas ever. Doesn't help that I'm not home most of the day to even look at the tree. Doesn't help that I have a 9 to 5 job that's more accurately 8 to 6, barring travel time.

I think I've grown too old. One driving force for the legendary Christmas magic is likely the idea you get presents and other goodies. Now, whatever I want, I can buy. Whatever I can't, I'm not likely to get for Christmas. Ignoring capitalism, the spending time with the loved ones thing, the idea just makes me depressed. Don't know why.

In spirit of the lack of spirit, here's something I came up with this afternoon:

Blue Christmas

5 ml blue curacao
15 ml gin
30 ml vodka
1 green caramelized cherry
1 red caramelized cherry

Fill a shaker with ice. Add curacao, gin and vodka. Shake well. Serve in a martini glass with caramelized cherries.

Have a fun Christmas, everyone.

validate me, please...

Sometimes I wonder if the point of finding that significant other is to validate your own existence. As I see it, living in and of itself is very much a non-issue, at least on the larger scale of things. It only becomes issue because we know, subconciously or otherwise, that we are pretty much left with nothing.

The search for a higher power is to give us a sense of purpose. Strangely enough, some people come to the conclusion that we are here to help other people. If that is so, what are the other people for?

There are people who are divinely optimistic. Then there are others, like me, who are scathingly realistic. Both types are far and few between, because we're mostly surrounded by the types who just want to live as long as they can, do as much as they can, and then die.

Face it, if there is a being of a higher level out there, we're only a jar of 3 hour live-d fruit flies busy trying to reproduce.

Want to be validated? Go get your parket ticket stamped on the way out.

at 10am...

Today is tomorrow where yesterday is concerned.

I wish it was tomorrow.

My grandmother split open a toe. I don't know how it happened, I was napping.

I made brownies. With orange and rum. Wish I had some Cointreau though.

It's not a good idea to blog when your desk is right next to the major walkway in the department.

It's times like these that you wish someone would just sit and talk with you rather than go about your work. Or at least give you something to do. Or not.

I was thinking of bringing my laptop here, except for the fact that it wouldn't be nice. Maybe I'll just bring a portable hard disk here. Hyeh hyeh hyeh. And play Fallout.

I need a faster processor for my laptop. And more RAM. And while you're at it, just get me this.

I need a holiday from this holiday. And maybe more interesting posts. And more importantly, but not as pertinent, the ability to be my quirky self with more than a handful of secret-life-options enabled.