Sometimes at night we want to scream and be answer by a shadowy howl from beyond.
Sometimes the shadowy howl in the night gets answers.
Sometimes those answers aren't as scary as they sound.
Sometimes the wolves don't always want a midnight snack. Or orgiastic feast.
Sometimes they just want to dance.
And sometimes we get to dance with wolves.
Sometimes it feels like I'm chasing the shadow of a dream. A dream so real I can see it in front of me. A dream so lush it feels like a clearing in the forest of nightmares I have to face every waking moment. No nightmare so terrible as one that is mediocre.
And this shadow eludes me. I pour so much into the search, but it does not want to be found. I delight in the hunt, but the misses always crush the spirit. God forbid I shoot myself in the head and end a fruitless search.
Chasing shadows, chasing dreams.
Sometimes, people think of some things as drawbacks.
Things like the protracted period before things start to work.
Things like having to rinse, wash and repeat.
Things like people trying to insinuate themselves into your life.
Things like being gassy.
Things like a chance that something might not go as planned and you end up dead.
Granted, if everything goes well, I'm very sure it's a good trade-off. And for some, the drawbacks might actually be desired effects.
Trying something new. If it works, best 300 bucks I ever spent. If it doesn't, most unnecessarily arduous month ever.
Don't wish me luck. Wish me success.
And so it was that the man/boy learned something.
It wasn't a lesson that the other people usually took away from something like this. Usually, they'd just try again.
Naturally, for someone trying so hard not to be the same, trying so hard not to be different, he would take away something else.
That someone/thing wasn't for him.
The man/boy decided then that maybe there wasn't really anyone/thing suitable for him. Maybe it wouldn't matter if there was anyone/thing that was. Lessons learned are rarely free, he told himself. He did not feel like he could afford any more.
Maybe for someone so different and the same, the man/boy had best go everywhere/nowhere.
So the man/boy decided to sit still forever. In that, he may finally find the place where he could be where he was supposed to go.
